Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


IELTS task 2 - Media like to expose famous people activities



M3L1 26 / 6  
Nov 17, 2015   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Nowadays, the press always reports the famous people activities and their love lives. Plenty of readers and observers evaluate that media should inform more about average people than celebrities. I argue that report more on ordinary people are more valuable than celebrities' lives.

A wide range of inspired stories come from ordinary people's lives. A lot of people who do many big positive things to others remain anonymous. For example, a girl from America named Shirley, who only have legs graduated from her school with satisfying grade. Her dream is becoming a pilot. She is now the only disable woman pilot that can fly the aircraft and have her flight license. She inspired children in her surroundings to study and achieve their dreams to become a valuable person. This kind of story is more worthwhile to persuade people to do something useful.

However, almost all media recently put actors and a large number of famous people's rumors to be their headline news. Their lives and relationships are exposed in the magazines, the internet and the television, that cause negative and positive effects on them. These forced celebrities not to have a normal living and privacy. On the other hand, media is the best advertise to enhanced actors' name. With a lot of news about famous people lives, audiences think that it just used to raise popularity.

To conclude, I agree that the press should inform more about ordinary people especially when their life affected on society. This can inspire people to do more valuable behaviour and to affect others to do the same thing.

Lucy Ngong 3 / 4  
Nov 18, 2015   #2
Hi M3L1 , honestly I am not good at grammar, so I recommend about your struture.
1st:I think you should show the reason why the press pay too much attention to celebriters ( advertise and become more famous, people like reading about celebriters)

2nd : The draw back of this .
3rd : I can't state where is your topic sentence. Hence you should write a clear topic sentence for each paragahp.
Reporting stories of ordinary people has some following positive influence on moral education.
A wide range of inspired stories come from ordinary people's lives.
nsahmad 11 / 14  
Nov 18, 2015   #3
Hi meli, happy to read you writing.
Let me give some suggestion.

I argue that report more on ordinary people are more valuable than celebrities' lives.

comment :
1. Support your Thesis Statement with idea in body paragraph, hence, TS should be linear with both body paragraph.
2. in 3rd paragraph, it supports why media shows celebrities, it's no sense with your TS.
3. Some grammatical issues.

She inspired

*make sure your tenses.

to enhanced

*after to + Verb infinite

Hope helpful.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Media like to expose famous people activities
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳