Too Much Celebrity News
Topic: Nowadays, the media mostly focus on lives of famous people to be reported on the news. Some people think that it is nescessary because they are popular, while others believe media should pay more attention to ordinary people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, how celebrities live has been drawing a great deal of attention from the public. Some people believe that lives of famous people are essential to be reported on social media, while others state that more attention should be given to ordinary people. I completely agree with the latter view because of the following reasons.
The first reason is that, in our cutting-edge society, lives of celebrities are being more and more deeply violated. This is because, all of daily activities of these people, like their dressing, their speech, and also their love, are published for society. Not only celebrities, but also their family, their friends be attracted by the reporters and the public. Furthermore, the development of a large number of modern social networks, news about famous people is quickly spread and received different comment, even strong criticism from netizens. As a result, celebrities would feel loss of freedom, under pressure and depressed, that lead to serious diseases, especially depression. A striking example for this is a Korean singer suicide in 27 years old last year.
Another reason is that, more news about ordinary people should be reported. It means that reporters should pay more attention to special people in the society. As an illustration, reporting about the disadvantaged, the disabled to ask for help from the public, or reporting about people who have kind action worth-praising.
In conclusion, although there are many opposite views, I strongly support the opinion that the media should spend more attention for ordinary people instead of scrutinise the private lifes of celebrities.Try omitting words that are unnecessary to your essay's substantiation. I recommend that, as you are writing, try to play around with your words until you get hold of a concise format. Using specific terms will assist you in this. Also, be more descriptive as you are writing.
Let's try revise a few parts.
Lavish lifestyles of celebrities on media gain attention from the public. [...]
Notice how doing this is a more descriptive approach to writing than merely writing down.
In your second paragraph:
The first reason is that our cutting-edge society has brought deep violations of celebrities' lives. All of the daily activities of these people from their outfits, speech, to personal romantic lives are published. Not only them as individuals, but their family members and friends also lure in reporters. [...]
Trimming down your sentences is a vital technique that can help you enhance your content. In addition, try to use more appropriate terms when you are writing. For instance, mentioning simply love is quite vague - but saying that it tackles their romantic lives is a more explicit analysis of the situation.
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck.
In your third paragraph, i rewrite the two last sentences like this
As a result, celebrities would feel loss of freedom, under pressure and depressed, that lead to serious diseases, especially depression; namely, a Korean singer suicided in the age of 27 last year.
