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The media should prefer to show ordinary people's life than celebrities's life


Grahyta24 6 / 12 2  
Jun 14, 2016   #1
The media shows many kinds of TV programs such as entertainer's daily activity shows and ordinary people's live shows. While both of shows give many inspirations to citizen, I feel that ordinary people's live shows are more attractive because it increase people care toward ordinary people.

Entertainer's daily activity shows also give many inspirations. This is because they give some innovations for people to reach success. Zaskia Adya Mecca, for example, is an Indonesian entertainer who has reached success since in youth. She shows us that all human can do many things at the same time as she is an entertainer, entrepreneur, and a mother. It is thus that showing of entertainer's daily activity give inspirations about the ways become success.

Ordinary people's live shows may catch more people's attention. This is because it shows how to survive in life for poor people. For example, teens cannot go to school as they have to work to find money for eating. It also makes people cry and feel pity of them when they watch it. Therefore, ordinary people's live shows are more interesting and increase people sympathy toward ordinary people.

In conclusion, although Entertainer's daily activity shows creates people's mind to be innovative doing their life, I tend to take a side of showing of Ordinary people's live which consist of the reality to survive in life as it is more educational. Where possible, people not only look at the upside but also have to look the downside of poor people.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 776 309  
Jun 14, 2016   #2
Hi Grahyta, I think for the next post you need to write clearly about your title. What kind of essay is this? is it IELTS? or TOEFL? or whatever essays you've been up to. Then, you have to write the "question". We will not be able to check whether your essay has already answered the question correctly or not. However, apart from those suggestions, I am still going to give you my feedback anyway. You can see the detailed descriptions below:

1st paragraph:
- ...programs such as entertainer's daily activity showsartists' daily routines and ordinary people's live showsreality shows about ordinary people .
- I feelbelieve("feel" is less convincing) that ordinary people's livereality shows are more attractive because it increaseS people's caresympathy towardSordinary peoplethem .

2nd paragraph:
- Entertainer's daily activity showsroutines also give many inspirations.
- This is because they give some innovationsinspire people by creating some innovationsfor peoplein order to reach success.
- ...has reached success since in youthyoung .
- ...that all humanS can do many thingsmultitaskingat the same time as she is an entertainer, entrepreneur, and a mother.
- It is thus thatTherefore, showing of entertainer's daily activity give inspirationscan possibly inspire people to beabout the ways become success.

As you can see, some modifications have been made. I hope you can follow through. Good Luck :)
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Jun 15, 2016   #3
hallo @Grahyta24 welcome to essay forum. I think your essay is writing task 2 for ielts based on the number of words you have written. If it is true for IELTS writing task 2 i want to suggest you, better you write this essay more than 250 words. I worry if the examiner can read your essay clearly because in real test you need to make it by your hand. If there is unclear words, the examiner will not consider it.

here a few grammatical corection for you :
Itis thus that showing show of entertainer's daily activityactivitiesgivegives inspirations about the ways become success.

keep trying and spirit :) cheers


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