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Should the media report ordinary people lives more than celebrities' lives? IELTS WRITING TASK 1

ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The lives of public figures get more appreciation from society. This cause mass media write more reports about them. However, many people argue that lives of ordinary persons should be informed more than the celebrities' lives. I personally agree with this opinion because those may have more meaningful story than famous people lives.

Most celebrities like actors, singers or sportsmen have glamour lifestyle. They are accustomed to live in a luxury house or use expensive facilities. As a result, people always curious about them and the mass media use this situation to get more profit. Undoubtedly, it has caused increase of information that share about those lives. However, it is less benefit for one thing that is just gives temporary entertainment. For instance, people may enjoy watching a reality show but they also may become bored soon afterward. Hence, I believe it is useless because it gives less advantage for audiences.

The media are supposed to report benefit information which gives advantages to their customers such to educate people or to inspire others. Some programs that explore ordinary lives are better than celebrities programs. For example, a program called ''Orang Pinggiran" shows lives of the poor and disability persons. It tells the spectators to be more grateful and to help others which have weaknesses. These reports are more meaningful than revealing luxury lifestyle of public figures. The reason is there is there are more important values inside of them.

In conclusion, the mass media should explore more information from ordinary people than famous one because it can share more social values such as kindness and way to be grateful. Therefore, I believe that this information is more valuable than the exploring of celebrities' lives.
akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
Hello, Eka. It's nice to read your essay. To enhance your writing better, you may consider my contributions as follows:

Your introductory part is quite interesting. I do enjoy read it and find the ideas of each sentence are smoothly transmitted. However, there are a few things you need to pay attention; for example:

"..that the lives of ordinary personspeople.."

For the second paragraph, I appreciate that you try your best to use transition signals/phrases to connect the ideas better. This is good to add more words to your essay as well. I suggest you to use the words appropriately because I found that you put the signals in every sentence in this paragraph. You can alter one or two sentences to make it appealing to the reader, for example:

"Undoubtedly, itThis ultimately has caused a n increase of information ...

And here's the rest of my notes:
"..to report benefitbeneficial/valuable information.."
"The reason is there is There are more important values inside of themin their stories ."

Best regards.

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