The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers, or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, prominent people not only act as the people who just singing and acting in the podium, but also become the role model of society. In response to that phenomenon, many mass-media use it as their opportunity to attract attention from many people. Media look like publish everything that occurred between celebrities to boost their ratings among watchers. Unfortunately, as a result of media ambitious project, they often forgot that there are many infamous people that have more inspiring story and not as popular as the artist. I tend to be agree if media give space to unwell-known people for showing their daily life.
First of all, actors still famous even though without too much exposing by media. There are still a lot of people that need media to help them reach the dream. For instance, today many children cannot continue their education because of the lack of money. They select to work in the early age for helping their parents fulfil their daily needs. Imagine if the media use their power to report in and spread it to all over the world, it will make people give many donation and doing charity activities for helping poor people. In contrast, it will have less benefit if they use all of their time for publishing famous people's daily activities.
Secondly, today some artist sometimes report the media to the legal entity because of their disappointing of media publication. For example, usually media exaggerate some celebrities' accident for viral purpose. Consequently, they must give much compensation to the artist to avoid them prosecute into police. In contrast, some media create program that give many chances to ordinary people for showing their talent. It also gives results of increasing the popularity of the media. It was proven that different method can produce the same result, even more useful.
In conclusion, it is not bad if media still report many famous people's daily activities. But it looks better if they give many spaces for infamous person to show their talent and real condition especially when they need some help.
Overall, I think that the structure is good enough.
Introduction, body1 body2, conclusion.
However, the idea is under-developed.
The first paragraph could be started in your second sentence. Because it focuses to tell the benefits of media exposing infamous people.
The second paragraph is going a bit off topic. I could not grasp what are you trying to achieve or tell the reader. Is it the disadvantages of media exposing famous people or the advantages of talent show?
And the conclusion, since you did not mention any positive perspective of media exposing famous people, therefore you should be more bold concluding that media should not expose famous people too much.
Here are the grammatical and vocabulary suggestions I took notice.
1st paragraph
-Media look like
I suggest "media looks like" or "media likes to"
2nd paragraph
-reach the (their?) dream
-They select (choose/prefer) to work
Good luck on your IELTS. I know it is hard to do the writing in such short time.
Hello faiz! I will give you some opinions about your essay.
(1) Media look like publish everything that occurred between ...
The media are more concern to publish about everything that happens with celebrity than another to boost their ratings among watchers.
(2) Unfortunately, as a result of mediathe ambitious project of media, they often forgot
(3) I tend to be agree if media give space to unwell-known people for showing their daily life. activity or amazing story
(4) There are still a lot of people that need ...
Sorry if I am wrong, but you should avoid 'a lot of' on your essay.
There are still many people who can be helped by the media to achieve their dream
(5) For instance, today many children cannot continue ....
You have to give your emphasize on your writing, such as mention that the children have possitive purpose so people want to help them.
For instance, today many children who have a strong desire to study at school, cannot continue their ...
(6) In contrast, it will have less benefit if they use all of their time for ...
This sentence should be in the body 2 and irrelevant. Just give a brief summary about your idea.
So that, people who come from ordinary family can be helped by rich society through the media
(7) In contrast, some media create program [...] produce the same result, even more useful.
You can put these sentences in body 2 to give another reason about the media should pay more attention to ordinary people than celebrities. You can use multiple idea.
First of all, actors ARE still famous even though without too much exposingTHEY ARE NOT EXPOSED MUCH by media.
There are still a lot of people that need media to help them reach the dream . IT IS BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE RESPECT TO THEIR FAVORITE FIGURES TO KEEP APPEARING IN SOCIAL MEDIA.
... for helping their parents fulfilTO FULFIL their daily needs.
... it will make people give many donationMUCH DONATIONS and doing charity activities ...
Hi Faizunaa17 , I want you to obtain some suggestion from me,
here we go:
... many mass-media use itthey as their opportunity to ...
be careful for you pronoun
Media looks like publish everything that (...) boost their ratings to obtain among watchers.
1. you can replace your words with "Media publishes like everything..."
2. there are two verb in one sentence.
3. between should following with "and"
Unfortunately, as a result of media ambitious project, they often forgot[where is the verb goes???] that there are many infamous...
First of all,[is not right phrase; is not your first idea ] actors still famous even ...
There are still a lot of people that need media to ...[your explanation is not enough, too bias]
Imagine if the media uses their power to ...
Secondly, today some artistssometimes report the media to ...
In contrast, some media creates program that give many chances tofor ordinary people for ...
you should sumarize your idea in your conclusion, please
