If I could meet anyone in history, I would like to meet Steve Jobs.

history person

If I could meet anyone in history, I would like to meet Steve Jobs. He was an American businessman who established the Apple Company. He was, therefore, the founder of Apple. Although he was the leader of a huge international company, he had a very minimal lifestyle. People say that in his room, there are very few things. They are just the essential utensils such as a bed, a light, and a book. I love his lifestyle. I am a fan of minimalists. Moreover, in his spare time, he often talked to your co-workers, told about children's toys, laughed a great deal and sometimes, meditated. The simple things in his hobbies really impress me. Steve Jobs' talents and his minimalism convince me that he is one of my idols probably more than any other great people I have ever known.

The writer did not inform me as to whether this was written as an English writing exercise or as a college application response statement. The topic for discussion is normally used as an application prompt for college. I'll treat it as the latter for this review for proper review purposes.

It appears that the writer does not know anything about Steve Jobs beyond what he heard about the person from other people. The impression was not created based on data from actual learning such as books, interviews, accomplishment details and the like. The reason used by the writer is shallow and without a true personal connection to the subject.

A better response would have been developed if the writer had chosen a true role model. One he has a personal interest in and whose influence in his life can be proven through relevant evidence through actions or accomplishments of the writer.

@Holt
Thank you so much for your review and your comments. They are well-noted!
I will send you an email to get your course later, maybe at some time around my IELTS exam next year.