Memoir - writing sample (first day at school)

first day at school and they aske me to write this ....

Memoir - writing sample
1 think of something memorable that change your life significantly.
2 write One paragraph memoir to explain how or why it changed your life.
3 remember to use correct paragraph form :
a) topic sentence
B) 3 PPas
c)concluding sentence

There are a whole host of reasons why people decide to move to another country. Living overseas can offer new opportunities, new lifestyles, new careers, and a new direction. I could relate to all of those people who moved to a new country to explore more about themselves and to explore more opportunities as well. I, along with my family, moved to Canada a few years ago. It was not easy for us to leave everything behind and head towards a fresh new start, but it was definitively the best thing that happened to us, because now we can build an all-new lifestyle. It feels like home now and we all are on our track to achieve our goal. I am currently going to an adult learning centre and planning to go to a University. At the end, people move from one place to another to explore more opportunities, yet it takes a lot effort and sacrifice to stand firm and make moves, but I could not have imagined a better living and better education anywhere else in the world than Canada.

@babi130294
Hello, I would like to give some feedback to your essay.

1. I think it's more effective if it's rewritten like this:
"... about themselves as well as more opportunities"

2. This part could be changed like this. I feel like using 'even though'/'although' would better convey your point about the advantage of moving to Canada even though it's difficult at first.

"In the end, people ... opportunities. Even though it takes a lot effort ... moves, but I could not have imagined ..."

Barbara, when you write a memoir, it is normally a hindshight look at a previous experience or set of experiences. For example, if I were to write about coming to Canada with my family, I would start the paragraph by explaining why my family decided to move. Then I would narrate the negative and positive experiences I had during this time. From the heartbreak of leaving all that was familiar to me all the way to the unfamiliarity that I had when I arrived and the difficulties of blending into a new culture. I would end the paragraph by saying what it is that I believe made the whole ordeal worthwhile.

What you wrote is less of a memoir and more of an IELTS task 2 essay introduction. Those are not the same kinds of essay. You are too dry, unimaginative, and basically boring in this essay. It does not reflect the sense of a person whose past has just been affected by a major upheaval and is now in the healing and immersion process.