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IELTS essay, Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities



phuoc 7 / 13  
Nov 22, 2013   #1
Please comment on my essay below, much appreciated

Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is well-known that male and female are different in both mental and physical aspects. Because of this some people think that many jobs are more suitable for men than women. Despite this conception, it is believed that women are capable of doing most of careers that men can do.

The preconception of favouring men for labour-intensive, innovative and stressful works has its reasonable reasons. Firstly, men, on average, are born with stronger physical body than women. Secondly, in earlier time, women used to busy nurturing babies and bringing up children while men had more time and were trained better for more important works. Thirdly, for dangerous and stressful situations such as fighting in the wars or operating to rescue a patient, men have been more tolerable than women. For these beliefs, many people prefer men to women as they employing them.

Despite these reasons, it can be shown that females completely have the abilities to do nearly all the professions of which males are capable. For example, in the early 90s, no woman could study and worked as a doctor because of the aforementioned preconceptions. However, several decades later, an American lady, regardless of all prejudices, successfully finished her doctor degree with highest honour. She even later invented the concept of disease prevention education and taught many households about the importance of proper sanitary and good nutrition food and helped them live much healthier. Without her leading work, community health would not have been as good as nowadays.

To conclude, although there are some opposing thoughts that women may not have abilities as men in some areas. It has been proved that this is not the case, and that women even are more innovative in many fields.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 22, 2013   #2
It is well-known that males and females are different in both mental and physical aspectsstrengths and capabilities .

It is a well known fact that males and females differ in both mental and physical strengths and capabilities.

Because of this some people think that many jobs are more suitable for men than women.

This is not what your prompt suggests - It says that jobs are divided on gender factor due to different characteristics and abilities of men and women. Do not deviate from the prompt and introduce it to the reader in its original sense.
OP phuoc 7 / 13  
Nov 22, 2013   #3
Thanks a lot dumi. I did not read the prompt carefully and misunderstand it. Is the essay otherwise fine if I replace my prompt as your suggestion, i.e. 'Because of this, jobs are divided on gender factor due to different characteristics and abilities of men and women'?
OP phuoc 7 / 13  
Nov 22, 2013   #4
And in the conclusion, I need to also delete the last phrase 'and that women even are more innovative in many fields'
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 26, 2013   #5
Thanks a lot dumi. I did not read the prompt carefully and misunderstand it. Is the essay otherwise fine if I replace my prompt as your suggestion, i.e. 'Because of this, jobs are divided on gender factor due to different characteristics and abilities of men and women'?

Yes.... then it makes more sense.

Include your opinion in the last line of the introduction very clearly before concluding it.
However, several decades later, an American lady, regardless of all prejudices, successfully finished her doctora l degree with highest honour.
OP phuoc 7 / 13  
Nov 29, 2013   #6
Thanks dumi. I took my IELTS today. The writing prompt is why people want to buy branded goods, cars and asks if I think it is positive or negative trend. Hopefully I can get 6.5 or 7 in writing
dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 30, 2013   #7
great.... I think you should what you desire :) Let us know when you get your score. Also, keep helping others with your IELTS experience and don't leave Essay Forum :D


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