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Of all the mentioned five countries, Turkey had the highest spending in food, drinks and tobacco


Daisy Sircar 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2011   #1
The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002.

My essay starts below--

The table illustrates the percentage of expenditure of nationals from five different countries on three categories of items in 2002. The categories include Food/Drinks/Tobacco, Clothing/Footwear and Leisure/Education.

Of all the countries, Turkey had the highest spending in food, drinks and tobacco, which was almost one third of the total consumer expenditure. Ireland followed a close second at 28.91% with Sweden ... [...]




ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #2
Its Swedish n not "swedes".

- u have written this task in a good way. However in conclusion u can also write that the countries r spending more on food n lesser on education which shows that people's top prority are food n clothing.

- u shud write a generalised conclusion based on given facts, it will show ur clarity of understanding.

- I would like to c how u write Task 2 essays as they r more important than task 1.

Good luck n cheers
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #3
Google traslator is not an accurate translator and I have consulted many people from Estonia, Russia, Denmark etc who say that one should not blindly believe google translator as they always find error in translation.

- SWEDES is an ethnic group in Sweden . Maybe Sweden citizens are called as "swedes" but I feel Swedish is more common.

-AND I WOULD like to advise you Mr. Xin that you should not post futile messages like "message posted" on other student's threads , for the sake of generating your thread,as it serves no purpose and is certainly in violation of the rules of this website.DO READ THE MASTER RULE.
OP Daisy Sircar 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2011   #4
Thank You Ajit for your valuable feedback. I will definitely consider your suggestions. I am writing my Task 2 essay below for your review. Please read. Also can you please rate me on an IELTS scale, so that I know where I stand.

Task 2--
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports and music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

Write at least 250 words.

My essay-
Nature versus nurture has been a topic of constant debate and discussion. Some believe that natural talent is important to excel in music, arts or sports. Others think that training is of utmost importance in honing the skills of individuals.

Natural skills can make a person perform well in a particular area without much effort. A person born with a certain talent will definitely have an edge over others devoid of it. He/she can easily supersede others in those fields. On the other hand, in today's world, trainings in music, arts or sports are readily available. And with methodical training and thorough practice, people can become good in a certain domain. However, to outshine others, talent is required. Talent gives an artist that added advantage that no training can provide.

Therefore, in my opinion, talent and training are not mutually exclusive. Adequate trainings help to sharpen an individual's talent whereas; inborn talent produces the optimum results out of all trainings. A diamond fresh out of the mine is crude and not considered a jewel, but after considerable cutting and polishing, it becomes one of the most expensive things desired by man. Similarly, an individual born with a particular skill has to be groomed, for the world to recognize his worth.

All the great musicians, sports stars and other artists of today and past have been able to create history only because they had a combination of both innate talent and extensive training. Only talent or only training can make a person good in a field, but not great.

In conclusion, I believe, a person can be taught to be good in music, arts or sports, but to rise above others, some talent is required.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 22, 2011   #5
Very good English and very thoughtful arguments have been given by you.

-However, in the introductory paragraph, do write a theme sentence stating which argument are you supporting.

-Conclusion is a little short. Maybe you should merge the last two paragraphs and shuffle lines to make a good conclusion without changing the word count.

The last line of your 2nd last paragraph ( only training or only talent....)- make it the last line of ur essay - its a lovely and very effective line.

- I cant rate your essay as am not a professional and no one here can give you an exact band score. But I think your essay is no less than 6.5 band score but dont think it as a real score as I am not an expert. When I gave my Ielts, I wrote a worse essay than this but still got 6.5 in writing section.

-Btw Seth M R Jaipuria is a famous school in lko so I think u will not have any problem in English my friend.

Gud luck ncheers
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jul 22, 2011   #6
You have some great sentences...

Adequate training helps to sharpen an individual's talent, whereas inborn talent produces the optimum results out of all trainings. ---I made a small change here.

A diamond fresh out of the mine is crude and not considered a jewel, but after considerable cutting and polishing, it becomes one of the most expensive things desired by man. Similarly, an individual born with ---great example!!

All the great musicians, sports stars and other artists of today and the past have been able to ...

In conclusion, I believe a person can be taught to be good in music, arts, or sports, but to rise above others some talent is required.---I took out some unnecessary commas.

:-)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jul 22, 2011   #7
i just come to post a message.

No more of this, Xin Gao! You can give some useful feedback each time you visit someone's thread. :-)

All the five countries have spent the least on leisure and education, under 5%, Turkey with a maximum of 4.35% and Spain with a minimum of 1.98%.

Deyasini, I was impressed by your whole essay... and especially this sentence! This seems like the work of a professional writer.

For the second essay... please start a new thread for each new essay. I noticed this essay in another thread, actually, so let's keep each essay only in one thread.

:-)

We are lucky to have you! You write well.
roygao2008 2 / 1  
Jul 22, 2011   #8
chill out people.
that is indeed good essay, Daisy Sircar.
GOOD LUCK


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