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Modern technology has more negative effects than positive ones: Agree or disagree?


ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 24, 2015   #1
Topic: Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

The advancement of technology has dramatically changed many aspects of our lives, either in a bad and good ways. However, a group of people believe that technology's influences on our society have been more negative than positive. From my perspective, however, this opinion cannot be true because of social, environmental and medical reasons.

One of the notorious examples mentioned by the critics of modern technology is the adverse effects of social networks on people's communication. They believe that social networks like Facebook have changed the interaction model of people from face-to-face to unrealistic, virtual one, which destroys the emotional bonds among friends and families. However, I think that such conclusion has naively been made through a personal prejudice without conducting any comprehensive empirical studies. A social network like Facebook contains millions of members all across the world that connect people to each other. For instance, how could I, as an international student in Australia, stay in contact with my family in Iran or my sister in Canada without using modern social networking? Does it negatively influence my relationships with people who I love, but obligatory far away from me, or are the effects positive? Without any doubt I would answer that Skype, Facebook and other new methods of communications could keep me in touch with people and foster my ties with them.

Moreover, those who claim that the development of technology has been harmful for the world concentrate their thoughts on the environmental issues. Although they might be right to one degree or another, modern technologies have solutions for these problems too. The introduction of clean energies, such as solar, wind and electrical energies is one of the solutions that recently suggested to raise the crucial air pollution issue. In addition, many electrical and hydrogen-fuel cars have been invented that can be replaced with the current automobiles with the intent to produce cleaner atmosphere.

The role of advanced technology in phenomenal enhancement in medicines is also undeniable. Invention of artificial hands and legs, implantation of teeth, production of micro-needles used in surgeries, to name a few, are instances that show how technology could save lives of many. Indeed, the positive effects of technology on the health are pivotal, so they cannot be questioned by less significant issues stated earlier.

To sum up, even though some people call the advancement of technology effects into question by considering important problems like air pollution, I believe that its advantages still outweigh its disadvantages. Therefore, if we give scientists and inventors leverage to do their best in order to drive up technological standards day by day, we can witness a world with cleaner environment, healthier people, and more advanced social interactions.
swathi_12345 7 / 13 5  
Jan 25, 2015   #2
The advancement of technology has dramatically changed many aspects of our lives, either in a bad and good ways.

technology's influences

modern technology is the adverse effects of social networksnetworking on people's communication

The introduction of clean energies, such as solar, wind and electrical energies is one of the solutions that recently suggested to raise the crucial air pollution issue -

please rephrase, this sentence conveys that air pollution increased because of renewable sources usage. If yes, you would want to support your argument with any examples or why you think so.


Without any doubt I would answer that Skype, Facebook and other new methods of communications could keep me in touch with people and foster my ties with them.

Consider rephrasing the sentence like : Without any doubt, social networking sites are allowing us to stay in touch with our loved ones.

clean energies - how about using renewable energies?

Overall, I feel essay has sound arguments to make the reader agree with what you say. The flow of the essay is very good. But I felt you were trying to complicate sentences where it is not required and few grammatical errors.
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 25, 2015   #3
modern technology is the adverse effects of social networks networking on people's communication

"social networking" can be used in this form. google it

The introduction of clean energies, such as solar, wind and electrical energies is one of the solutions that recently suggested to raise the crucial air pollution issue -
please rephrase, this sentence conveys that air pollution increased because of renewable sources usage. If yes, you would want to support your argument with any examples or why you think so

I should have used "erase" or "solve" instead of "raise", thank you.

Consider rephrasing the sentence like : Without any doubt, social networking sites are allowing us to stay in touch with our loved ones.

social networking can be viewed as a verb here, I don't think it is necessary to say "sites". btw, this sentence is supposed to be my own answer to the questions I already asked about my personal experience, so I could not make it general. Thanks anyway for helping.

clean energies - how about using renewable energies?

Renewable energies are those which are achieved from the natural resources like sun, wind, rain, tides, etc, but energies like electricity, or hydrogen fuel cannot be categorized as renewable energies, even though it is a good word you reminded me to use in the future.

But I felt you were trying to complicate sentences where it is not required and few grammatical errors.

I would be happy if I were not have to do this, but this is one of the test's requirements. u have to use complex sentences

Thanks for your help.
Cheers,
Ahmad
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 25, 2015   #4
Hi Ahmad, mo internet connection was lousy all day yesterday so I was not able to review your work as promised. I hope you won't mind a late review on my part. The work you did is insightful, contains up to date information about the effects of technology and social media on the lives of people and is effective in presenting food for thought for the reader's consideration. I found some grammar problems that can be easily corrected though. While similar to the corrections above, I have a different take on how to correct the sentences, if acceptable to you that is :-)

The advancement of technology has dramatically changed many aspects of our lives, either in a bad and good ways. However, a group of people believe that technology's influences on our society have been more negative than positive. From my perspective, however , this opinion cannot be true because of social, environmental and medical reasons.

- Rather than saying that the argument cannot be true, I would instead have said that it is a debatable opinion based on the reasons that you cited.

They believe that social networks like Facebook have changed the interaction model of people from face-to-face to unrealistic, virtual one,

- ... from face to face to an unrealistic...

However, I think that such conclusion has naively been made through a personal prejudice without conducting any comprehensive empirical studies.

- I would have rephrased this to the more professional sounding "Such a conclusion cannot be reached without being based on empirical research, which is often lacking in these types of claims and therefore, can be concluded only as having come from the personal opinion or prejudice of the person making the statement."

Does it negatively influence my relationships with people who I love, but obligatory far away from me , or are the effects positive?

- ... who I love, but who, due to circumstances, are far away from me,

Although they might be right to one degree or another,

- ... right to a certain degree ,

is one of the solutions that recently suggested to raise the crucial air pollution issue.

- are some of the solutions posed to the current crucial problem of air pollution.

. In addition, many electrical and hydrogen-fuel cars have been invented that can be replacedwith the current automobiles with the intent to produce cleaner atmosphere.

- ... to produce a cleaner atmosphere.

The role of advanced technology in phenomenal enhancementin medicines is also undeniable

- ... in the phenomenal enhancement of medical science ...

Indeed, the positive effects of technology onthe health are pivotal, so they cannot be questioned by less significant issues stated earlier.

-... by the less significant...
I hope this edit helps :-)
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 25, 2015   #5
Thank you very much Luisa. I'm happy this time the argument was not lacking any part of the prompt. Thanks for the corrections :)


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