Hi Ahmad, mo internet connection was lousy all day yesterday so I was not able to review your work as promised. I hope you won't mind a late review on my part. The work you did is insightful, contains up to date information about the effects of technology and social media on the lives of people and is effective in presenting food for thought for the reader's consideration. I found some grammar problems that can be easily corrected though. While similar to the corrections above, I have a different take on how to correct the sentences, if acceptable to you that is :-)
The advancement of technology has dramatically changed many aspects of our lives- Rather than saying that the argument cannot be true, I would instead have said that it is a debatable opinion based on the reasons that you cited.
, either in a bad and good ways. However, a group of people believe that technology's influences on our society have been more negative than positive. From my perspective, however , this opinion cannot be true because of social, environmental and medical reasons.
They believe that social networks like Facebook have changed the interaction model of people from face-to-face to unrealistic, virtual one,
- ... from face to face to an
However, I think that such conclusion has naively been made through a personal prejudice without conducting any comprehensive empirical studies.- I would have rephrased this to the more professional sounding "Such a conclusion cannot be reached without being based on empirical research, which is often lacking in these types of claims and therefore, can be concluded only as having come from the personal opinion or prejudice of the person making the statement."
Does it negatively influence my relationships with people who I love,
but obligatory far away from me , or are the effects positive?
- ... who I love, but who, due to circumstances,
are far away from me,
Although they might be right to
one degree or another,
- ... right to a certain degree
is one of the solutions that recently suggested to raise the crucial air pollution issue.
- are some of the solutions posed to the current crucial problem of air pollution.
. In addition, many electrical and hydrogen-fuel cars have been invented that can
be replace d with the current automobiles with the intent to produce cleaner atmosphere.
- ... to produce a
The role of advanced technology in phenomenal enhancement
in medicines is also undeniable
- ... in the
phenomenal enhancement of medical science
Indeed, the positive effects of technology on
the health are pivotal, so they cannot be questioned by less significant issues stated earlier.
-... by the
I hope this edit helps :-)