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IELTS: In this modern time, there are numerous people who have to work continuously in a long time


Cruella 7 / - 5  
Dec 4, 2015   #1
People tend to work longer hours nowadays. Working long hours has a negative effect on themselves, their families and the society, so working hours should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree?

In this modern time, there are numerous people who have to work continuously in a long time, which causes negative impacts not only on workers but also on society as a whole. From my point of view, as a advocate, it is reasonable for the governments to limit working hours in companies and corporations.

One of the first and foremost problems of working long hours is that this would lead to the deterioration in health. To keep working continually could cause extended stress, culminating in workers' sufferance from severe depression. According to a report released by World Health Organization, the ratio of depression in people who have to work more than eight hours per day is as three times higher than those who work less than eight hours per day. There are variety of dangers result from grave depression, such as accidental murder or harming others in unconsciousness. Moreover, working extra time may worsen physical conditions of job holders, which would directly decrease working effectiveness.

Furthermore, to work with extension hours may exacerbate people's social relationships, ranging from family, lovers, to friends. Workers would not have adequate time for their family, especially their children, which might be significantly dangerous. For example, in this Internet developing time, children without the observation of parents could be easily lured to be involved to different kinds of juvenile crime like cocaine addiction and sexual abuse. One more difficulty of working long hours is that because people spend too much time in working, they could not take part in social activities, so they might be isolated from society.

On the other hand, there are plenty of people have to work overtime perfunctorily because they need more money to pay for their essential daily products. These workers are usually the ones who migrate from rural sides to urban area to find jobs, so their basic salaries may be lower than urban dwellers. Therefore, in order to discourage working with extension hours, the government should devise remedies which could help them with solving financial problems.

In conclusion, on account of various difficulties of working long hours, this should be considered to be impeded, in my opinion. However, the government should have policies to support poor people who have to work extra hours to earn money.

vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Dec 5, 2015   #2
Nguyen, when you write this kind of essay, always present the side that you do not support first. You have to present the opposing side first as by presenting that side, you are able to create a more solid foundation for your own side. By discussing the opposition, you can already discuss the weakness of their argument. Weakening their argument creates a sense of logic and adds to the validity of your statement.

By presenting the weak discussion first, you can argue your side from a position of strength. Show the mistakes in their idea in relation to your position. Use personal experiences whenever possible in order to create an authoritative voice for yourself within the essay. Consider this an opinion paper that requires you to balance your discussion in a manner that entices the reader to learn more about the topic through your essay. That will make your final discussion a highly informative and relevant piece of written work.

So basically, if you switch this essay around and make the part that says;

there are plenty of people have to work overtime perfunctorily because they need more money to pay for their essential daily products. These workers are usually the ones who migrate from rural sides to urban area to find jobs, so their basic salaries may be lower than urban dwellers. Therefore, in order to discourage working with extension hours, the government should devise remedies which could help them with solving financial problems.

one of your first discussions, prior to discussing your side in great detail, then the essay would have come out much stronger and informative. Over all though, this is a good piece of writing, grammar problems and all. It is content of the essay or the information within it that makes it worth the read.


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