To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, it is believed that productions made from animals like food, clothing, medicine are no longer people's necessities. In my viewpoint, I strongly agree with this idea for the following reasons.
Firstly, in place of meat products, vegetarian diets cultivate a healthy lifestyle. This is because plant-based foods not only provide a wide range of nutritions but also reduce the risk of suffering from many chronic degenerative diseases and conditions, including heart disease, cancer, hypertension, diabetes, and obesity. For instance, a survey conducted by Queen University shows that a vegetarian's life expectancy normally surpasses any other normal people's. Moreover, in terms of clothing, it is worthless killing animals for producing high-fashion products. Clothes and accessories made from hemp, bamboo, and other animal-free materials are now commonplace. As a result, with diverse materials to choose from, there's no excuse for animals to die violently and painfully for fashion.
Secondly, it is certainly the case that due to the innovation of science and technology, animals are no longer treated as a means for experimental research. In recent years, the advent of a synthetic tissue that closely resembles human skin helps several cosmetic companies test the potential damage occurring. By this way, harmful substances are easily analyzed without the pain, the suffering, and the deaths of animals.
In conclusion, animal products should be eliminated because their sacrifices are no longer necessary. They can definitely be replaced by such alternatives as vegetarian foods, artificial materials and so on.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15384 The essay is 5 words short of the minimum count. Although it seems to be a small number of words, it carries notable weight when it comes to the percentage deduction of your overall score. Always aim to meet the 250-290 word count for your paper to make sure you can be consider for the best possible scoring outcome for your paper.
The prompt for this essay is a simple agree or disagree essay. So you kind of overdid it with your response. When an extent response is not required, it should not be given. A simple agree or disagree response will do. Delivering an exaggerated response is frowned upon because it changes the format of the discussion. Always look to the prompt question for instructions as to how your question response should be delivered. It will also help your TA score if you can add the reasons, but not the discussion for your response in the opening paraphrase. That shows the examiner that you have actually taken the time to outline your discussion draft before typing or writing your response.
Your response was on track until you presented the Queen University information. This is a general discussion essay based on commonly known information. This is an opinion essay as well. Both are based on personal opinion and knowledge. It should not refer to any information from seemingly researched sources. You could replace Queens University with a reference to commonly known information about vegetarians instead. The information should be presented in a manner similar to your discussion in the same paragraph about clothes manufacturing and cloth sources. In fact, even the way that you discussed the medical aspect of the prompt is more in line with the common information, personal information, personal knowledge requirement of the discussion when compared to your vegetarian lifestyle reference. So you did good work in the reasoning paragraph, but just had a slight hiccup with the referencing in the first part. Always use non-specific sources or gender free pronouns. Those will definitely better help your score.
Your opening paraphrase and concluding summary should both have at least 3 sentences presented. These should highlight the summarized form of the original prompt (opening paraphrase) and the topic with discussion reasons (concluding summary). It is because you lack sentences in these sections that your essay did not meet the word count as expected.