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money as a cause of happiness; the important necessity in human life


Nhasir Rahmatia 6 / 9  
Mar 29, 2014   #1
Question
Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness.
Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?


Answer:
Money is one of the important necessities in human life, many people judge that money is as main determiner of human happiness. However, some people do not think so. Happiness is not able to be bought by money. As an individual, money is not every thing, many things influence the happiness.

All people use part of their life time to work for earning money to survive their life. They need many things in their life which need money to get them, because nothing free in the world, every thing needs money. For instance, firstly, people comfortable house for living together with their family, it needs money. As we know that goods are more expensive day by day. Secondly,people need education to change their life to be smart, it needs money for tuition fee. Even though in Indonesia there is free education as government program, it is not free for all. The students need shoes, uniform, transportation, and other things. Because of them, some people measure the happiness by money as measurement.

On the other hand, some people disagree it. They say that happiness cannot be bought by money, many wealthy people have much money, they can buy anything which they want. But they are not happy. Fighting is habit in their home, because they have less time to educate their children to be better. Their children do free sex and consume drugs because they have much money given by their parents which they can use to pay and buy everything they want, but they have no control from their parents. The effect is their life being suffer and being bad family. So they assume that the most important for happiness is not about money, but many sides, such as attention from their family, time, educated children, and others.

In my view, I think that happiness does not depend on money, many things determine it, for instance artist, they have much money but some of them cannot maintain their house hold and educate their children.

Overall, money is needed in our life, but it is not determiner of happiness. We do not just earn money but do not care about family. We have to make balance them.

ningo 22 / 53 9  
Mar 29, 2014   #2
Well... It seems that your writing is a form of word by word translation from your mother tounge to English. Your idea is good but you need to practice more to write in English style.

All of us spend most of our life time on continuous working to lead our lives. However, the sad fact is that most of things on these days are bought by money. For example, we wish to have comfortable houses, we need money. We want to send our children to a good school, money is the key.
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dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 30, 2014   #3
You follow the appropriate structure to some extent but by the end of the para, you lose that alignment.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 30, 2014   #4
They say that happiness cannot be bought by money, many wealthy people have much money, they can buy anything which they want. But they are not happy.

Their children do free sex and consume drugs because they have much money given by their parents which they can use to pay and buy everything they want, but they have no control from their parents.

I think that happiness does not depend on money, many things determine it, for instance artist, they have much money but some of them cannot maintain their house hold and educate their children.

Improve your writing by shortening some long sentences

Uuppsss... I was in your threads. We discussed the development of your paragraph. Please take much consideration for what I have highlighted there.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Mar 30, 2014   #5
Helow Friend
I am also engaged with the problem that Ningo said

It seems that your writing is a form of word by word translation from your mother tongue to English.

As my tutor suggestion, open dictionary will be helpful (English-English) also we need to take a closer attention with the examples there. It makes our writing more mature.

Take an example from yours

All people use part of their life time to work for earning money to survive their life. They need many things in their life which need money to get them, because nothing free in the world, every thing needs money.

...Inhabitants spend time immensely to earn money. Indeed,money becomes important while payment occurs in all part of human lives.


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