Unanswered [3]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Essay about moving from another country to USA



anjunjun1234 1 / -  
Oct 4, 2020   #1
This is a essay about my experience of moving to United States. Please help me fix my grammar or give me any suggestion for the essay. I appreciate it.

from Vietnam to the USA



Moving is part of our life. People move to have a better living, to escape the life that restricts their freedom, to have a better income to support their family. For me moving from Vietnam to the USA is a life-changing experience. That has come with difficulties and challenges as I learn to adapt to the new way of living and the differences in food and culture here.

It was not always easy for me to adapt to changes and the new environment when I move here. Differences in climate and time zone make me sick and tired. I sleep most of the time, but my body still feels sluggish after I wake up. A new way of living was hard. I do not know what to do and how to act. I struggle through the school year as I try to figure out a way to get around school and get to know people. I feel as if I do not belong here as I always thought. The sense of loneliness hangs over me as I try not to be sad about it and tell myself that everything will be fine. Another big difference between the US and Vietnam is culture. Because the USA's culture is slightly different, I observe people's actions in every day's situation. Learning in school gives me a knowledge of not only US culture but different cultures too. Foods here are also different. I used to have a homemade meal, but in the beginning, we were not quite sure where to find the ingredients; I became homesick. It was quite a challenge to figure out which foods we like and which one we do not. It is never an easy option to pick between two kinds of foods that I want to eat so much as homemade cooking.

In the beginning, everything was hard. As I start to get used to crazy changes in my life, everything seems to slow down and in place. I try to keep the same routine as I have at home, try to go out as soon as possible. I love to be part of nature. It always makes me relax and calm as a bad day happens. I enjoy reading books about US culture, food, and compelling stories that I can find. The neighbor next door is nice and friendly. At school, I discover that I have a passion for animals and want to help them find a better life. To do that, I must become a vet. I joined the Human society club at school. It's a very enjoyable and delightful club. I make lots of friends that share the same passion as me. We also learn about animal abuse and how to help these animals to find homes, make donations to animal's shelter, make toys for dogs and cats. I love to engage myself in voluntary activities. I am not currently a volunteer at Freedom Hill Horse Rescue, but I used to take care of horses that need attention and care because of their old age. Not only that, but I also volunteer for Lina L shelter to raise awareness and advocate visitors to adopt our dogs and cats that need a permanent home. All these volunteer hours are never enough as I try to give back to communities as much as I can and show support for animal rights.

After four years of living in the United States, I learn more about myself, discover who I am, what my passion is, and what I can do to achieve my goals. Now my life has been better as I try my best to have a good grade and achievement. That is why I want to persuade higher education to become a vet and give back to society.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15460  
Oct 5, 2020   #2
I assume that you have already completed the move from Vietnam to the USA. So you be saying : "... to the USA WAS a life changing experience." This is a basic grammar error that most ESL students make. This has to do with your lack of familiarity with past, present, and future tense usage. Watch out for that next time. For this essay, stick to the past tense usage such as "... I learned to adapt to..."

Note how in the second paragraph, you finally start to use the correct tense usage, past tense. However, the references are still uneven (... time zone MADE me sick...). In the second paragraph, when you discuss the difference between cultures, make that a separate paragraph as that is not related to the physical adjustments you had to make. The rule is, one topic per paragraph.

Avoid using conjunctions as sentence starters. The conjunctions like "because" need to connect a previous thought with another one. So using it at the start of a sentence in an academic presentation does not make any sense. There is no thought or idea to connect. The discussion about "In the beginning" should not be towards the end of the essay. That should be either the first or second presentation in this essay as it discusses the past yet again.


Home / Writing Feedback / Essay about moving from another country to USA
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳