"moving my eyes over African journals" - what are you passionate about and why?

the essay is due soon. any suggestion would help

A typical teen's room? To some extent, yes. But what would you call a mini library filled with African journals? Standing at far ends are two shelves. One contains journals on African history and culture while the other has journals on African leaders. Reading the journals is my way of life; this has formed the basis for my existence.

Reading these journals is my only means to be in the past, present and future. They have been When I am reading a sad story full of sweat, trouble and betrayal I scratch my head in response as though I am the one involved, however it reveals a miniature reflection of the future and how carefully I should tread to avoid troubles and mistakes. In a similar vein, when I am studying a sweet story, I nod rhythmically as though I am under the control of a hormone. It reminds me of my current struggles and cheers me up that after rain comes sunshine.

How trilling are those moments, mouth opened, brain in action but under a cloud of calm, I carefully meditate on the ideas and policies of the mark-making Africans! A time in school, I was able to lure my classmates into attending a cultural event held in the school. I simply wore the shoes of Nelson Mandela by applying his selfless policy. I gave away my provisions and some money to win over their hearts, though it was hard on me, I must confess I was in bad shape: I lost about 5 kg because my provisions were little. But it was worthwhile; they turned up during the event. My journey to self discovery is best done when I am moving my eyes over African journals and taking the words one at a time.

A question mark needed in place of the period at the end of the sentence.


These is an awkward sentence. The word "sculptor" doesn't seem to fit here. The sentence also violates number agreement.
They is plural, while sculptor is singular.


I am not sure if you properly expressed your thought through this metaphor. The word scope is difficult to decipher without the context. I think you should add one more sentence clarifying the metaphor, if you want to keep this sentence.

In fact, my advise would be to keep the number of metaphors to a minimum in an admissions essay.

When I am reading a sad story full of sweat, trouble and betrayal I scratch my head in response as though I wasam the one involved; however, it reveals a miniature reflection of the future and how carefully I should tread to avoid troubles and mistakes. ----- note the usage of semi-colon

I can see that you have real skill in writing. This is evident from your metaphors. However, like I said, do keep them in check in an admissions essay. You don't want to confuse the admissions officer, do you? That being said, keep in mind that I am not as good a reader as the admissions officers will be; so, my opinion may not be correct.

Awesome edit, Ershad...

Reading the journals is my way of life; this has formed the basis for my existence.----I like this.

Basically Reading these journals is my only means to be in the past, present and future.

They have, to a large degree, been the sculptor of my daily activities.----Try to omit the extra words. They seem nice while you write them., but actually they should be edited out later. :-)

They have been the engineering hands enlarging my scope. When I am reading a sad story full of sweat, trouble and betrayal I scratch my head in response as though I was the one involved, however it reveals a miniature reflection of the future and how carefully I should tread to avoid troubles and mistakes. In a similar vein, when I am studying a sweet story,---Very cool, can you give some examples of some stories? You must have some specialized interests.

:-)