[IELTS-TASK1]Multi-chart Music Preference

Hi everyone, I just finished another one. Please give me some advice. Thank you very much!

The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company's international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. This is the relevant image's link: teachingmaterial.blog.sohu.com/148432372.html

The table provides a breakdown by selected music accesses surveyed in Tokyo, with the pie chart indicating the worldwide preference of live and recorded music among young people.

According to the table, males showed a much stronger interest in music than their female counterparts, except for the attraction to CDs, for which 19% males and 22% females voted respectively. As for live music, MP3-players and online music, girls' interests remained roughly balanced, with none of the figures higher than three quarters. By contrast, boys' preference of music access varies noticeably. Nearly four out of five boys voted for MP3-players, followed by 60% for live music, and slightly more than half boys enjoyed online music.

With regard to the pie chart, the inclination of live and recorded music saw a striking difference. A clearly 70% of the total preferred recorded music to live music, whereas more than one fourth favored the latter more. There were only a tiny minority of four percent respondents were still wrestling with their choice.

In conclusion, in Tokyo, boys' passion in music was much more prominent than girls', and the recorded music enjoyed an overwhelming popularity as the data presented globally.

There were only a tiny minority of four percent respondents were still wrestling with their choice.

Thank you, vothiha. I didn't notice that. Thanks for your correction.
Any other advice?

The table provides a breakdown by selected music accesses surveyed in Tokyo, with the pie chart indicating the worldwide preference of live and recorded music among young people. The purpose of showing Tokyo's information on the table along with the global information on the pie chart was to ...

(I think adding that would help to improve the whole essay.)

...for which 19% males and 22% females voted. respectively .
the way to use "respectively" is like this:
The males and females accounted for 19% and 22% respectively.

don't forget, minority and majority are singular, not plural:
There were was only a tiny minority of four percent

Ah...yes, minority and majority... Kevin, thank you veeery much:)

One more confusion:
I know that abbreviations (shouldn't, can't, aren't, etc.) are not allowed in academic writing, but I occasionally find some very serious academic journals use "don't". Is this an exception?

Thanks.

Yep. Some writers are skillful enough that they can get away with breaking the rules. When you write as a student, all that matters is what your teacher thinks, but when you write an article for a journal you might be well-respected enough that you can break all kinds of rules.

:-)