TOEFL - Music bring numerous benefits to human being

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people?

My essay.

Can you imagine a life without music?.Without them life would be silence, less joy and darker time.I believe that music are significant to people life in many ways such as, entertainment,

job, and language training.

Firstly,whenever you go to the party music is obviously necessary as it could enhance the atmosphere of the party or even in the club if there is no music people would feel bored and no entertainment at all.Most people often look for the place that would make them relax when the are stress or tense and that usually be a place where there is music that they can entertain with friends and family.

Secondly,for some people music is a way to live for instance, singers, composers, and musicians. Music are definitely importanct because they earn money from that field.Eventhough some people can earn very few in some day but they are still cheerful because this job is not stress instate they fine it more interesting and fun compare to anyother job. Moreover,nowadays you can also see that many people enter to the singing contest like american idol is one great example of it.

Finally,listening to music is essential to people life in term of language training as well.Music have many languages and we can also learn from there.For example,since I was young I often want to speak and write english well ,but I dont have enough money to take english course.So my mom advise me to listen english songs everyday especially to the pop songs because it has good meaning and you can hear clear english.Whenever I listen to the songs there is usually lyric on my hand.Since than I can speak and write english well.

To sum up,music bring numerous benefits to human being and these are some part to the reasons.I still believe in old saying which goes "music are one of the core values in many people lives."

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I dont know whether I have write this essay according to the topic and I dont have any idea about conclusion.Is this conclusion is okay?.If anyone know please kindly give me some idea.

And ya about "language training" I dont know what word should I use.Anyone know?...Any thing that I should improve please comment. Please grade my essay or you can also score for me like out of 10 how much will I get?.

Thank you very much in advance,
Candy

Can you imagine a life without music?.Without music , life would be silence, less joy and darker timesilent,joyless,and dark ().I believe that music is significant to people life in many ways such as, entertainment,

job, and language training.

Firstly,whenever you go to the party , music is obviously necessary as it could enhance the atmosphere of the party or even in the club if there is no music people would feel bored and no entertainment at all.Most people often look for the place that would make them relax when the are stress or tense and that usually be a place where there is music that they can entertain with friends and family.(confused...)

Secondly,for some people music is a way to live for instance, singers, composers, and musicians. Music are definitely importanct because they earn money from that field.Eventhough some people can earn very few in some day but they are still cheerful because this job is not stress instate they find it more interesting and fun compare to anyother job. Moreover,nowadays you can also see that many people enter to the singing contest like american idol is one great example of it. (run-on sentence)

Finally,listening to music is essential to people life in term of language training as well.Music have many languages (?) and we can also learn from there.For example,since I was young I often want to speak and write english well ,but I dont have enough money to take english course.So my mom advise me to listen english songs everyday especially to the pop songs because it has good meaning and you can hear clear english.Whenever I listen to the songs there is usually lyric on my hand.Since then I can speak and write english well.

To sum up,music bring numerous benefits to human being and these are some part to the reasons.I still believe in old saying which goes "music are one of the core values in many people lives."

hi candy! well I think your essay is on the topic. you think the reasons that people listen to music are that entertaiment, work,and learning and it's ok. maybe you can add some details to make your essay more convincing. If I were the judger I would give you 6/10. I have finished my toefl test and got a not bad score. Contact me by MSN if you need any help. my MSN is linying0_0@hotmail.com

To...LINYING

1.Most people often look for the place that would make them relax when the are stress or tense and that usually be a place where there is music that they can entertain with friends and family.(confused...) I'm trying to say that (whenever people are tense or want to relax they usually go to the place where there is music to have fun with friends and all..)I don't know what I should add can u give me some idea?

2.Moreover,nowadays you can also see that many people enter to the singing contest like american idol is one great example of it.(run-on sentence) Actually it mistake,instate of moreover I should write for example.Forexample,nowadays you can also see that many people enter to the singing contest like american idol is one great example of it.Is it okay??...

3..Music have many languages(?) I'm trying to say it's like a universal language..like there are many languages and I took one example of mine that how I learn english.

candy lovely:
I think your essay in the topic,but it still have a drawback except grammer which lack of specific details. In the first paragraph of your essay, you can making an example with your friends' or yours experience with specific detail. it make your essay more convincing.

good luck!