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NARRATIVE essay: A MISTAKE THAT TAUGHT ME AN IMPORTANT LESSON



hanzy48 2 / 4  
Jun 5, 2016   #1
Hi guys, I have to write a three-paragraph essay about above topic. Help me!
p/s: I want to put a quote into the hook but I don't know how because it is an unknown quote. So I just write this quote, Can you help me rewrite this hook?? ^~^

Thank you for reading!
________________________________

MY EVIL IN LOVE

"Although fate present the circumstances, how you react depends on your character." This quote is very consistent with the ending of my love story. I fell in love with my boyfriend 4 years ago. We were always far from each other because We studied in different cities. Despite the geographical distance, our love was still strong and we always talked about our beautiful future. However, this beautiful future could not come to since I caused an unnecessary mistake. I thought that the mistake led our relationship aside from our plan.

In the early days of June, there would not have been any problems if he had answered me as usual. I called him many times but I just received the answer that his phone was busy. I waited and began being sulky. I sent messages to ask him whom he had talked to and why he had made a long-call like this. He explained and apologized for not answering my calls. Nevertheless, the more apologies he said, the angrier I got. I really did not know why I behaved to cruel like this while I wanted to forgive him. I used harsh words to criticize him that broke his limit. He said, "Everyone has a limit, me too. I tried to apologize all the time but you refused all. I love you but I can not stand it anymore!". Then, he did not answer any messages from me and not contact with me.

After thinking about what he said, I realized how terrible I was. Whenever we were sulky with each other, I always got angrier and he was always the one who said sorry first. I recognized that I should learn how to keep clam and also keep our relationship. But it was too late, we broke up. This is the price I have to pay for my bad manner in love.

justivy03 - / 2265  
Jun 5, 2016   #2
Hi Ngoc, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, We hope you find this website helpful as well as valuable to your writing projects. We strive to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will surely give you the correct format to come up with a well written essay.

Now, when it comes to your qoute, it is actually very interesting, it does answer the prompt, you can definitely draw a well written essay from the qoute. You can always add, "As the saying goes" or " I read once" then the qoute, this will add a smooth transition to the essay and ideas you are trying to include in your article.

Overall, I believe you have created a fairly written essay, a little polish on the sentence construction and logical order should complete the overall idea of the essay. I will get back to you for more assistance.
justivy03 - / 2265  
Jun 5, 2016   #3
HI Ngoc, here's a follow up from the above insights I shared with you.

- could notdidn't come
- to sincetrue as I caused an
- I thoughtbelieve thisthat the[/s - mistake led our relationship aside from ourto drift away from our plan.
- there wouldshould not
- apologies he saidblurted ,
- the angrier I gotbecame .
- too cruel like this
- whilewhen I wanted to forgive him.

There you have it Ngoc, as you can see there's quiet a change from the original writing, I hope you notice the difference. For future writing reference, mind the construction of your sentences, make sure that you follow the necessary language rules and it also helps if you read your sentences aloud, normally when something sounds off, that means you have to change or revise it.


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