Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS Task 1: Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA


eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Feb 1, 2014   #1
The graph below presents the information about Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA.

Answer:

The bar graph shows Nathan's hot dog eating contest which is held in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA during 30 years, between 1980 and 2010.

Overall, there are four countries: US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners. In this case, American males have won 20 times for this eating contest, while Japanese males only record nine-time win.

To begin with, from 1980 to 1982 we can see that American males had won the contest, with approximately 9 to 10 hot dogs and buns eaten. After no breaking records since 2 years, the figures of American contestants showing the overall growth in numbers of hot dogs and burns eaten had rebounded on the podium for 10 years, between 1985 and 1995. By comparison with the previous figures in 1999, American males had almost fourfold proportion of eating this meal.

A Japanese, Takeru Kobayashi who reigned Nathan's championship for six years running, was defeated by Joey Chesnut, an American, who was highly likely to eat 68 hot dogs and buns in 15 minutes in 2009. This was the top notch ever during the eating contest. However, between 1983 and 1984 Birgit Felden, a German female, consuming 19.5 hot dogs and a Mexican, who only ate almost 9 hot dogs had showed that this competition was open to all contestants from different countries.




dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 2, 2014   #2
Overall, there are four countries: US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners. In this case, American males have won 20 times for this eating contest, while Japanese males only record nine-time win.

This is your overview statement and there you should not have any specific data. It is just to discuss the main trends.
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Feb 2, 2014   #3
Hi Dumi :)

Thanks for the some feedback

For this

your overview statement and there you should not have any specific data

... I would like to emphasize the word of any specific data. Do you mean it is a group of numbers, such as

20 times for this eating

and

record nine-time win.

?

To tell you the truth, I don't know what the data are . According to my knowledge, the data in the visual writings consist of per cent / percentage. Let's say: 90 % / 90 per cent or the percentage of bla... bla... bla...

Please kindly need to your input. It is because the examination is around the corner :)

Thanks again.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 2, 2014   #4
To tell you the truth, I don't know what the data are . According to my knowledge, the data in the visual writings consist of per cent / percentage. Let's say: 90 % / 90 per cent or the percentage of bla... bla... bla...

Well, in my view, the Overview is an outline of the main and most obvious trends and it doesn't go into details. Us winning the contest 20 times is not an obvious observation at a glance unless you counted the number times it won. So, for me, there you have gone into a little bit of detail. However, that's my personal view and approach for this particular task. Overall, I think you write very well and really need not to worry about this task. I am sorry if my comments did upset your confidence. I think you are ready for this task now. Good luck!
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,204 469  
Feb 2, 2014   #5
Aha, I see now

the Overview is an outline of the main and most obvious trends

I am sure, for this there will be notable feature on my next writings :)

I am sorry if my comments did upset your confidence

no need to say sorry. You are in the right path. I would be grateful if I have more detail feedback from you, as to enhance my writings.

Thank you, Dumi
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 2, 2014   #6
You are very good with your intro and overview. I think now you are clear about dumi's point too :)
However, you need to improve clarity in the body paragraphs which present more details. Let's take this one;

A Japanese, Takeru Kobayashi who reigned Nathan's championshipfor six years running, was defeated by Joey Chesnut, an American, who was highly likely to eat 68 hot dogs and buns in 15 minutes in 2009.

"six years running" sounds a bit awkward :( Try to stick to more common phrases that are in usage. Also shorten the length of your sentences as they carry lots of details. If you lengthen them, the reader tends to get confused with all those data.

Takeru Kobayashi, the Japanese who continued to secure Nathan's Championship for six years, was defeated in 2007 by Joey Chesnut, an American. Joey held a record by eating 68 hot dogs and buns in 15 minutes in 2009 which had not been broken by any other contestant until 2010.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA