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The United States became the most frequent winner of the hot-dog eating contest within two years


Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Jun 1, 2016   #1
The graph below presents the information about Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA

The bar graph provides information about Nathan's hot dog eating contest which is conducted in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA during 30 years, between 1980 and 2010.

It is noticeable that four countries such as US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners. In this case, American males have won twenty times for this eating contest and Japanese males record nine times win while remain Mexico males and Germany whose female participant only once won this contest.

According to the graph, The United States became the most frequent winner within two years. Futhermore, and this trend kept in the following 11 years, starting from 1985 to 1996. However the domination of japan was seen in the next 9 years but in the end of the period US took over back the winning place. The others like Mexico and Germany just once to be a winner, in 1993 and in 1984 respectively.



Rinnegan45 - / 39 5  
Jun 2, 2016   #2
hi, Beauty17
here my little correction on your essay:

while remain Mexico males and Germany whose female participant only once won this contest= while the rest are Mexico and Germany whose woman participant won this competition

Futhermore , and this trend kept in the following 11 years = well i found this sentence a bit peculiar you may use mine like this " furthermore, this trend has been kept up to 11 years in arrow.

The others like Mexico and Germany just once to be a winner, in 1993 and in 1984 respectively = The remaining such as Mexico and Germany won once each, Mexico in 1983 and Germany in 1984.

hope this would be useful.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 2, 2016   #3
Meireza, you are suggested to separate the question (prompt) and answer. Perhaps, you can 'bold' the question to make it different from the answer. I assume that the first sentence was your question, and therefore I would like to focus on seeing the whole essay after the first sentence.

I have no idea why did you only create 150 words for the answer. If you keep doing this, it will be dangerous to your band score. Just remember that in a real test you are going to write by your hand. If the examiner found any words which are unclear, they just simply do not consider it, which then your minimum words limit from the prompt given will not be achieved. Even getting band 5 is really difficult if you can't reach 150 words properly. My suggestion is that you need to write more than that, for example, aim for 165 or 190. This is the safest words count for the test.

You also accidentally left your essay without any overview(s) of the chart given. If the first sentence of your second paragraph was overview, I think it was also unclear. Remember the criteria of band 5: "recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview; there may be no data to support the description". You will not go beyond band 5 if you keep doing this. Therefore, I think that you should be careful for the next practice. Make sure that your first paragraph or the last paragraph has a clear overview of the chart. You need to mention the most important fact(s) of the task given ('first paragraph overview' is recommended rather than in the last paragraph).

Cheers :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 2, 2016   #4
Hi Merieza, below are additional corrections fro your analysis.

- hotdog ( hotdog - is one word )

- scoring forscored as winners.
- havehas won
- twenty times forfrom this
- Japanese males recorded nine times
- of winnings while
- the remaining
- Mexican males
- and Germany whose female
- participant only once won this contest.

- winner withinfor the past two years. - Fur thermore, and this trend
- kept in the followingits record for the next 11 years,
- starting from 1985 to 1996.
- wasis seen in the
- over back the winning place back . - justwas once to be a winner,

There you have it Merieza, I hope my additional help is useful in your revision.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Jun 2, 2016   #5
Dear beauty17,
The bar graph provides information about Nathan's hot dog eating contest which is conducted in Brooklyn's Coney Island, USA during 30 years, between 1980 and 2010.

The bar graph provides thirty years annual records on Nathan's hot dog eating contest in Brooklyn's Coney Island from 1980 to 2010.

It is noticeable that four countries such as US, Japan, Mexico and Germany scoring for winners.
I suggest you to make overview from the graph with an accurate observation. Let me try to make mine.
It is noticeable that US and Japanese males became the contest commonest winner while Mexico and Germany shared similar a winning year for three decades.


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