IELTS Task 2 It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

Hello every writing experts, I am going to take the IELTS exam and I sincerely hope you all can give me some comments and hopefully a grade predictions. Thank you. I have taken the exam twice and my writing is stuck at 6. I really hope to get 7. Please help me. Thank you.

The consequences of eating too much fast food

Question: In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

With the ever-increasing obesity rate, whether or not the officials should implement a higher tax on fast food chains has become a widely debated topic. While many believe that it should be done to ensure public health, others maintain that they should not intervene business activity as well as people's living. Given that this food trend can bring adverse impact and the government are obligated to ensure people's health, I strongly agree that a higher tax should be imposed to raise the effectiveness on preventing citizens from over-consuming unhealthy fast food.

Concerning the negative effect, fast food restaurants sell extremely high calories food. As an example, McDonald's sell deep fried french fries, soda with high sugar content and unhealthy burger. They contain exceedingly high calories by which nutritionists said that a McDonald's cheeseburger with fries already exceeded the daily suggested sodium level intake. At best, costumers will be overweighted. At worst, they will suffer from chronic disease like coronary heart disease and diabetes. Raising the price allow people to think twice before buying them. Therefore, a higher selling price can impede citizens from eating foods with high fat content.

Regarding government's responsibility, they are responsible to ensure people's health. Given that high calories fast food can bring detrimental and even irreversible impact, the government should act on it by reducing the temptations. For instance, Hong Kong currently has a high duty on tobacco so as to control the number of smokers. In fact, the harmfulness of fast food is no less than that of cigarette. As a result, as a responsible government, raising the tax on unhealthy food can ensure the public's physical health.

Having discussed the harm on eating fast food and government's responsibility, I firmly believe that the officials should spare no efforts preventing citizens from harming their health through high calories foods. If the government could do so, I am confident that the obesity rate as well as the number of people suffering from chronic diseases could decline significantly.

Examples are good but try to use At least complex structure in essay. Although structure wise your essay is good But You could have used advanced vocabulary and Synonyms .

Where did the obesity topic come from? There is a general reference to health concerns in the original discussion, you should not have changed the topic in your restatement.

There is no need to discuss the negative effects in the manner that you did. Rather, the negative effect should be mentioned in short form, only as a reference point for the increased taxes. You could have done better in your first reasoning paragraph. Rather, you should be discussing 2 separate topic paragraphs that will simply support the strength of your agreement with the proposal (higher tax on fast food). You had too much emphasis on the health discussion when the focus should have been mostly on the benefits that increased taxes would afford the public such as:

"Higher quick food taxes would result in health benefits for the people. Rather than reaching for the soda which, when drank regularly could result in Diabetes, the person could reach for a bottle of distilled water instead as a cheaper and healthier alternative. The same goes for the high calorie foods. Instead of a Whopper Burger, the person would opt for the much healthier Apple instead. Thus creating a healthier lifestyle for the person, all because of the way that the junk meals will no longer be as affordable as these currently are. "

Your first discussion paragraph created an accidental prompt deviation because you said "Concerning the negative effect" instead of using a more relevant topic sentence such as; "Higher convenient food taxes will result in a healthier person because..." . Explain how the food tax will help create a healthier person. Always stay on point. Use the actual topic in various forms to represent the discussion topic. For the second paragraph, the discussion topic should have been; "Given that high calories fast food can bring detrimental and even irreversible impact, the government should act on it by reducing the temptations." Then proceed to discuss the benefits of the food tax in terms of lessening the temptation to eat food on the go.

Your essay deviated from the original prompt yet again in the concluding paraphrase. Why did you decide to focus on obesity when it was not mentioned in the original prompt? This misunderstanding of the prompt discussion format on your part is what will cause this essay to get a low score.

I could say the clarity of this essay is definitely great. Yet you could still improve by having your points elaborated more maturedly and persuasively. Somehow this essay is consider good. All the best pal :)

Your essay is good, but it seems that the reason why government impose a higher tax on fast food you provided is incompletely and not be convinced yet.