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IELTS Task1 essay "Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about"


Feb 14, 2013   #1
Dear sir,

I am surprised to receive your letter saying that the noise from my flat has disturbed you for a long time.I am writing to explain the reasons and make apologize.

I fell terribly sorry to bother you.A couple of weeks ago,I found there was something wrong with my heating system.It is pretty cold in winter.Therefore I tried to solve the problems myself.I have to work daytime, so I did the repair work in the evening.I found the repairing touch and complicated.I must made loud noise.I have never thought the noise was so loud that it has disturbed you.

At present ,I have found two experienced worker to help me solve the problems.They promised they could fix these problems within this week.In addition,we will only work at daytime,so I am sure we will never disturb you in the evening.Please tell me how can I make up for what you have lost.I am planning on inviting you to a dinner.I really hope you could come.

If you could come ,please give me a phone call and please accept my apologize.

Yours sincerely
Andy.

==>Hi,guys.
Could you please give me some suggestion and correction to this essay.I am sure there must be many "error" or "misuse".

Thank you very much indeed. :)

And, could you tell me the score of the essay it could get, if possible.(I guess it might be not very accurate ,but ,any suggestion is appreciated:))

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Feb 15, 2013   #2
I am surprised to receive your letter saying that the noise from my flat has disturbed you for a long time.I am writing to explain the reasons and make apologize.

Well... this sounds a bit arrogant and as if you are trying to defend being noisy and they have made some irrelevant complain. I think you need to show more diplomacy here and your letter should be more polite as to not antagonize them further.

I am really sorry about your complain about the disturbing noise from my flat. While I apologize for the inconveniences caused by this noise, I take the responsibility of assuring you that this would not happen in the future. However, I also wish that I should explain in detail the reasons as to why this has happened.

I fell terribly sorry to bother you . (i feel this is not necessary) A couple of weeks ago,I found there was something wrong with my heating system.


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