I spent 40 minutes completing the below essay. Hopefully to receive some feedback from all of you. Thank you so much.
Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with.
Discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion.
Some people would agree that we should experience various cultures. There is a different opinion, however, whether people should be a creature of habit. In this essay, I will examine both views and state my own opinion.
A group of people spends their interest on experiencing new things, such as locations or foods. Indeed, it is believed to stimulate their curiosity and equip them an open mind. Not only enjoy the journeys, but they also acquire diversified thoughts from the various cultures. For instance, the Feng Shui used to be a strange concept in the Western. Nevertheless, thanks to the cultural exchange activities, they learn how to apply it into the daily life, such as house decoration or fashioning.
On the other hand, some people only would like to be under their daily routines. The unfamiliar activities will stress them and prevent from being downshifting. Indeed, they always feel connecting with their living area and enjoying the current values. It seems to be a common concept for most Eastern wives. Their paramount priority is families, thus they usually keep their attention on taking care of the children and fertilizing husband career. As a consequence, it is hard for them to spend time on experiences outsides their families.
To sum up, both of these opposite sides of the debate seem to have valid reasons for their argument. It appears that try new things yet maintain a daily routine. Personally, I believe that any decision regarding this matter should be made with consideration of the ideas from both sides.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Good work on the restatement using 2 topic sentences. These were very clear reinterpretations that showed accurate English comprehension abilities. The examiner would have expected you to have delivered a clear personal opinion though. Just to help him provide you with a related TA score. He cannot provide a score for that aspect when all you did was repeat the discussion instruction. That fails to deliver a clear preliminary writer's opinion when it mattered to the starting score.
Unfortunately, the solid discussion paragraphs fall short of being fully developed because you did not offer your opinion for each statement. For a high cohesive paragraph score you should not only present public reasons to A support the topic idea, you should also explain why you support or do not support the public perception.
Additionally, there is a weakness in the examples being used. While you did discuss the culture aspect, you neglected to offer an insight into the food portion as implied by the prompt. So that could be seen as another reason the paragraph lacks development or, does not offer a completely comprehensive discussion based on the prompt requirements/discussion topic suggestions.
Your personal opinion should never be presented as a part of the concluding paragraph. Doing so could result in an automatic failing score because there is no correct summarized conclusion presented. The last paragraph should just wap up the discussion ley repeating the salient points. The personal opinion is presented in only one of 2 ways for this writing instruction.
1. Folded into the public opinion explanation
2. Aa a stand alone paragraph
The word count is just the right number of words for a beginner. You should steadily progress to 300 words maximum within 40 minutes over time. You clearly have the potential to gain a higher than average score with the proper guidance.
