IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ABOUT NEWSPAPERS & TV

Hello everyone,

I'm currently preparing to take my 2nd IELTS exam. I would really appreciate any feedback you could provide me with. Thank you all so much!

HERE IS THE TOPIC

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

ESSAY

Increasingly the landscape of news has shifted over the past decades. The younger generation are no longer motivated to pick up a newspaper or follow events of the evening news.

This is in part due to, recent technological advancements and a wide proliferation of entertainment media. As technology progresses previous forms of media are no longer able to keep up with the pace of adoption. An example of this is highlighted in TV viewership numbers after the mass manufacture of internet enabled smart-phones. As a result, highly addictive, irrelevant TV shows and movies have replaced traditional forms of media. Also, younger people have a deep mistrust for government controlled media sources because of lack of objectivity when covering certain subject matters. This keeps them skeptical about the reports seen in articles and news programs.

Certain steps, however, could be taken to mitigate these issues. Such as the creation of a media club in schools. A club of like minded aspiring journalists could report on news issues around the school and have a taste of the activities needed to produce traditional forms of media. For instance, covering the school council elections is a great introduction to reading newspaper polls. Finally, key subjects of interest such as games, sports and fashion could be incorperated into traditional media. This will ensure an eager demographic of youngester who anticipate the next edition of the news.

Circumstances surrounding the current generation of youths have allowed them the ability to evolve. News organizations must also keep up with the times if they hope to survive and remain relevant.

You need to improve your response formatting. If you further examine the way that you wrote the prompt restatement + writer opinion paragraph, you will clearly see that you are missing clear opinion references in the form of the thesis sentences. There were direct questions asked as guides for your writing. Your opinion should reflect a summarized topic presentation for each question. These will serve as the thesis foundation for your response. It will complete the task requirements for that paragraph. Aside from that, your first sentence in the presentation is not really related to the given topic. It is irrelevant to the discussion. The second sentence is what you want to have started with this in this paragraph. The first paragraph is actually only about 3 sentences long in most cases.


Brush up on your punctuation usage. Learn how these marks are best used for effective sentence idea presentation. A comma was not required in this sentence.


This is where the comma was needed.

There are several other errors that exist in your essay but you can start with these basic errors in terms of presentation improvement. I look forward to reading an improved second essay from you.

I recommend you review your word choices. Several words are used incorrectly due to a lack of understanding of what they actually mean. For instance, the word 'proliferation' already implied that the increase is fast and wide, so 'wide proliferation' sounds illogical.