Ielts writing TASK 2 - Word usage and sentence length problems!
Many newspapers and magaziens feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where the buy clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.
Is it appropritate for a magaziens or newspapers to give this kind of private information about people?
I've always thought my writing is very bad, so i will be happy to read some suggestions and insights of my work. I am preparing for Ielts, so if you give me a sample bond, will be highly apreciate.I really need someone to indicate where are my mistakes and where i need to put more effort. Thank you in advance!!
I think my main problems are in the sentences lenght and word usage.
Nowadays, our world is driven by the thirst for profit and popularity, and our newspapers and magazines do not make an exception. Everyone of us, has seen a picture of celebrity in private situation and has read an internal(I think it's better to write personal) information about their lives. In my opinion, this attitude by the numerous newspapers is lacking of any kind of respect to the famous people and their families. Moreover this kind of approach restricts the free will of celebrities.
Watching private photos of celebrities have become something completely ordinary in our lives. We all, want to know, what is in the backyard of our favorite TV stars, but if we really care about them, it is a must to give them at least a little more freedom in their personal lives. We can not even imagine the stress and anxiety when they are on the stage and now many magazines transfer those feelings into their homes. Famous people and their families now live in incessant fear of finding their own pictures in different magazines. In combine, they are plagued by photographs , even in their own houses - which shows extreme disrespect to their personal lives.
Because of the continual threat of people following them, many celebrities have their changed their habits, altered their behaviors and sometimes locked themselves in to their own houses. They need to act like they are on the stage everywhere - because they know, only one unsuitable photo or video contrasting to their stage characters is able to disrupt their whole careers.
At the end of the day, even though magazines and newspapers are always seeking for more attractive and profitable news about celebrities, they do not need to have an access to the personal life of famous people. This interruptive approach is capable of destroying the life of famous people and their families, in combine with restricting their own free will.
Many newspapers and magaziens feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where the buy clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.
Is it appropritate for a magaziens or newspapers to give this kind of private information about people?
I've always thought my writing is very bad, so i will be happy to read some suggestions and insights of my work. I am preparing for Ielts, so if you give me a sample bond, will be highly apreciate.I really need someone to indicate where are my mistakes and where i need to put more effort. Thank you in advance!!
I think my main problems are in the sentences lenght and word usage.
Nowadays, our world is driven by the thirst for profit and popularity, and our newspapers and magazines do not make an exception. Everyone of us, has seen a picture of celebrity in private situation and has read an internal(I think it's better to write personal) information about their lives. In my opinion, this attitude by the numerous newspapers is lacking of any kind of respect to the famous people and their families. Moreover this kind of approach restricts the free will of celebrities.
Watching private photos of celebrities have become something completely ordinary in our lives. We all, want to know, what is in the backyard of our favorite TV stars, but if we really care about them, it is a must to give them at least a little more freedom in their personal lives. We can not even imagine the stress and anxiety when they are on the stage and now many magazines transfer those feelings into their homes. Famous people and their families now live in incessant fear of finding their own pictures in different magazines. In combine, they are plagued by photographs , even in their own houses - which shows extreme disrespect to their personal lives.
Because of the continual threat of people following them, many celebrities have their changed their habits, altered their behaviors and sometimes locked themselves in to their own houses. They need to act like they are on the stage everywhere - because they know, only one unsuitable photo or video contrasting to their stage characters is able to disrupt their whole careers.
At the end of the day, even though magazines and newspapers are always seeking for more attractive and profitable news about celebrities, they do not need to have an access to the personal life of famous people. This interruptive approach is capable of destroying the life of famous people and their families, in combine with restricting their own free will.