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Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to VIP's personal lives

pier 11 / 37 9  
Oct 19, 2017   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

We Are Obsessed with Celebrities

I agree that celebrities and famous people are in the spotlight of written and visual media. Ordinary people are interested in personal lives of public figures and as a result, newspapers and other public media are trying to cover this aspect of their life. In addition, owner of public media has to sell their products to survive in business.

People want to know more about individuals who admired them. A vivid example is those who work in film industry, they play a role in famous movies which people like. So apart from their professional personality, people want to know how they behave when they are at home, what do they buy when they go out, and who they are in a relationship with. For example, I remember how people followed up Brad Pit relationship with famous actress Angelina Juli which made newspapers and paparazzi look for their picture together.

Moreover, media wants to make money from its publishing. To make money they have to publish something that is in their customer's interest. Therefore, they look for stories and news of personal life of public adores. For example, a magazine has several expenses to pay and if it does not sell its magazines, it has to close itself. As a result, making money is another reason why some public media are so focused on the personal lives of public figures.

In conclusion, magazines and public medias pay attention to the personal lives of famous people because of the attraction of ordinary people to them. In another word, they are attracted to their personal lives because the public has an interest in them.


And please tell me in which part I need individual practice to enhance my writing. Plus, it seems I have hard time addressing the topics as they really want me to do.

I write this in 33 min, which I presume, it will gets better as I write more.
naseernasrati 14 / 33 10  
Oct 19, 2017   #2
Hi first of all some corrections
1- in the 3rd paragraph the last sentence, it has to close itself , this is not good or does not sound good if you say it in another way it will be more interesting. magazine has to close itself does not mean good.

2- your conclusion is so short,because its a paragraph you have to write more and make a good sum up.
while writing an essay for toefl, in each paragraph try to keep one structure that at the first write a opening statement them reasons and examples and at the end of each paragraph one cause-affect sentence.

if you write just 272 in 33 min, its not good to get a high score
you have to write over 300 to get a good and high score,
it does not mean that writing more is good to get high score
write more than 300 with coherence.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,348 3365  
Oct 19, 2017   #3
Behzab, if you want to increase you word count in order to improve your score, you have to aim to write at least 300 words for a higher than average score. You already knew that right? The question then becomes, how do I write more words? You write more words by increasing your paragraph count to 5. How do I increase my paragraph count to five? You increase the paragraph count by creating a proper paraphrasing and outline for your discussion starting with the first paragraph. You do not begin discussing the essay in the first paragraph. So what does the first paragraph have to look like? It should look like this:

These days, celebrities are constantly in the limelight. It is said that the mass media offers an insane amount of coverage to their personal lives. I agree with this statement for a number of reasons. In this essay, I will not only present my personal reasons for believing in this statement, but I will also offer my personal opinion regarding the matter.

Based on the above outline, you will have a complete 3 body of paragraphs that you need to discuss / present in the essay. This solid outline for the discussion in the opening statement created a line of discussion for you in the body. This will lead you to discussing a full 5 paragraph essay composed of the opening paraphrase, 3 body paragraphs, one concluding paragraph. Count it all and there are 5 aspects of paragraph presentations in the essay. Written and discussed properly, you are looking at an essay of at least 300 words. The reason for the increase in word count? The number of paragraphs involved. Writing a 3-5 sentence paragraph, as required, always pushes the writing to over 250 words.

You should be able to better develop your opening statement, in relation to your proper discussion, which will help you develop your word count, over time. It takes practice and perseverance to do that. Just remember, when you write the opening statement, paraphrase the discussion topic first. Then outline the discussion points from the original prompt. After that, you can give the mode of discussion as your thesis statement at the end. That should give you at last 3 sentences to kick off your essay with.

Additionally, try to avoid writing long sentences or run on sentences. These are extra long sentences tend to distract the reader due to the number of discussions it entails when individualized sentences are required and better for the essay scoring in terms of C&C and GRA scoring considerations.
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 19, 2017   #4
Hi, I although I agree your essay is too short, I think your word usage and grammar are not too bad, though your vocabulary is somewhat basic. The main problem, as I think you guessed, is that you did not address the prompt correctly. The prompt is asking whether the media focuses too much on celebrities. You have instead written an essay on "Why does the media focus so much on celebrities?" I think this is a pretty big difference. So I would expect to either hear, "No the media does not focus too much, the media is there to serve the people and the people want news about celebrities. Also with all the pain and suffering in the world, it is great that the media focuses on lightweight topics like celebrities to keep our minds off our problems." Or, "Yes, the media spends too much time covering celebrity's lives. The media should focus instead on important matters that will directly affect their viewers and readers. There are so many problems in the world that should be covered without the distraction of these inane celebrity profiles."

Here are some specific suggestions:

people are interested in the personal lives

public media are trying to cover this aspect of their lives.

owners of public media have to sell

individuals who admire them.

those who work in the film industry, {semicolon here, not comma} they play a role

at home, what do they buy

how people followed up Brad Pitt's relationship

something that is in their customer's interest. {"in their customer's interest" means something that will help the customer, that puts the customer first. It does not mean something the customer is interested in, something that interests the customer, which is what I think you were trying to say}

stories and news of personal life of public adores. {you are using "adores" as a noun here, which is incorrect}

, it has to close itself.

to them. In other words, they are attracted

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