Non-academic subject should stay in school syllabus along with academic subjects

Hai friends,please correct my essay,thanks in advance.

Ques:With the pressure on today's young people to succeed academically , some people believe that non-academic subjects at school(eg:physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Ans:School is the basic platform for the young adults to learn academic and non-academic subjects.However,Some people think that non important subjects such as physical education and cooking should be moved from the school curriculum in order to concentrate completely on academic subjects.While,I personally disagree with this view because these subjects play a pivotal role in children's life.

Primarily,physical education should be mandatory in school syllabus because it brings many benefits to the children.First,It helps children to be fit and healthy .Thesedays,most of the young people lead a sedentary life style and as a result many children are obese and they can easily get diseases such as diabetes and heart problems.For example,a recent survey in United Kingdom reveals that thirty out of fifty students in a class is obese.Second,exercise not only helps young people stay healthy but also helps for the brain development.After exercise they can resume their study with fresh energy and enthusiasm .Thus physical education is effective for children in many ways.

Similarly,cooking is an essential skill which should be encouraged from school to enhance the interest of children.If children study this skill from the school ,it would help them to make food at their home alone .Moreover ,fast foods are prevalent in our society.So in order to decrease the consumption of junk food young people can make different types of tasty dishes in their home.This would help them to lead a healthy life.

To sum up,I would like to reiterate that non-academic subjects such as cooking and physical education should stay in school syllabus along with academic subjects .It would increase the quality of life of children.

Some people think that non important subjects such as physical education and cooking should be moved from the school curriculum in order to concentrate completely on academic subjects.

Instead write unimportant.

While ,I personally disagree with this view because these subjects play a pivotal role in children's life.

I believe you should write however or but.

First,It helps children to be fit and healthy .

First,It helps children to keep fit and healthy .

Thesedays ,most of the young people lead a sedentary life style and as a result many children are obese and they can easily get diseases such as diabetes and heart problems.

I think you should write nowadays instead of thesedays.

Primarily, physical education should be mandatory to be included in school syllabus because it brings many benefits to the children.

First, i t helps children to be fit...

Thesedays (These days)

Thus, physical education is effective for children in many ways.

Similarly,cooking is an essential skill which should be encouraged fromneeded to be taught in school to enhance the interest of children.

If children study this skill frominthe school, ittheywould help them tocan be able tomakecook food at their home alone .

This would help them to leadhave a healthy life.

To sum up, I would like to reiteratebelieve that non-academic subjects such as cooking and physical education should staybe incorporated in the school syllabus along with the academic subjects .It wouldto increase the quality of life of children.