Hello, guys. I'm Jackson. Currently i am struggling writing Ielts essay. Please give me some advices to improve my coherence and grammar and so on. Or, what do you gurus think about this question? I'll appreciate you guys do. Thanks
nuclear energy influence
Q:
As a result of global warming, many countries are turning to nuclear power instead of burning fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas. What are the advantages and disadvantages of nuclear power stations? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
A:
With the worsening greenhouse effect, nations tend to use nuclear energy instead of fossil fuels. From my perspective, using nuclear energy does more good than harm in terms of the economy of a country as well as the environment.
The obvious disadvantage of utilizing nuclear energy is the substances after the process of nuclear fission. Owing to those substances, which usually are radioactive, they would harm human body or lead to cancer. According to a report, individuals who live nearby a nuclear power stations are likely to get cancer; in addition, the amount of radioactive material in those residents is 100 times more than the average.
Thus, government would need to budget a huge amount of money to treat those citizens or set a special apartment to deal with nuclear pollution, which might have a great influence on the society.
The opposite side of the nuclear coin, however, is that it not makes our environment cleaner but also reduces a great deal of expenditure that the government spends on the fossil fuels. Compared with coal or crude oil, it uses less amount of nuclear resources and does not release greenhouse gases to generate the same amount of electricity. As a result, civilizations are able to use electronics or appliances at a lower price; meantime, the rate of global warming might decelerate, which enables us to live in a cleaner place. That is to say, the advantages of using nuclear outweigh its drawbacks.
In my view, though using nuclear energy has negative influence on our health. However, it truly boosts our economy and enables us to live in a better quality of live.@Jackson97010
Hello there, Jackson! I'm here to provide you with writing feedback on this essay. Welcome here! I hope you keep coming back to us after if you find these comments helpful and beneficial for you.
Firstly, I would say that, while you have quite an effective grasp of the language, there are certain aspects that can be improved. For instance, try to curate sweeter shortened sentences along the way. Doing this will permit you to be more straightforward with your language. This will also allow you to elevate the overall tone of writing that you have.
Furthermore, it would be better if you kept the length of your paragraphs balanced. The fluctuations in length can appear to be off-putting rather than helpful in disseminating information.
Best of luck as always.
@Maria
Thank for yours advices. I'll try my best to shorten my sentence in the next essay. However, maybe my native language is Chinese, I'm not really sure where I can simplify and keep the essay clearly. By the way, could you give me your opinions about this issue or my arguments.
