Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


IELTS Task 1 : Number of childeren ever born from mother aged 40-45



SHanafi 120 / 357  
Apr 25, 2014   #1
A study conducted by Australian ABS results the table concerning the percentage of the overall number baby birth from women aged 40-44 over a-15 year period from 1981 to 2006.

Overall, while the percentage of the number of baby birth varied markedly, mother aged 40-44 giving birth 2 or 3 babies in their pregnancy.

As per information, mother birthing two children depicted an average of 38 %, notably as the top notch during a particular decade between 1996 and 2006. As contrast with the former, the least one child or more than 4 children achieve by old mother showed the average 11 % and 13 % conversely in the similar year's statistic.

Looking back to past year, in 1986 by 9.7 % women did not have any baby while nearly threefold increase in 3 babies' mother. Similarly, a slight increased by more than 4 times percentage showed in single baby birth in comparison with two babies, accounted more than 8 % alongside the approximately 36 %. In the recent years the number noted as the least percentage of the overall data under review, by less than 9 percent for zero and one baby birth contrary with a higher 27 percent than that of other three groups.



  • TAbleee.jpg


mrs rafey 1 / 7  
Apr 25, 2014   #2
The words like overall and while are supporting words so you can use just one in one sentence.
Like in the start you wrote "overall,while the percentage of the number of baby birth varied markedly "

So , you better had to written "overall , the percentage of the number of baby birth varied markedly"
:)

Nice writing . .carry on . . :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Apr 25, 2014   #3
A study conducted by Australian ABS

Have you taken the real test? This is not a good way to show creativity and innovation in writing. As you prepare your real task, it is always good to get a good structure and a certain pattern that contain all the features in IELTS writing task 1. You don't need to experiment on. Develop your time management skills on this task is the important thing.Please, take my words into serious consideration
OP SHanafi 120 / 357  
Apr 25, 2014   #4
Have you taken the real test?

Not yet, eddies. It comes in the end of may

A study conducted by Australian ABS results the table concerning the percentage of the overall number baby birth from women aged 40-44 over a-15 year period from 1981 to 2006.

... The table presents the number of birthing children by women aged 40-44 years during a particular period from 1981 to 2006.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Apr 29, 2014   #5
while the percentage of the number of baby birth varied markedly,

Not adding any meaning to your writing. This is what I suggest;
Overall, the percentage of women with no children, one child and two children had increased while the women with three and more children have decreased from 1985 to 2006.

mother birthing two children

This is a wrong phrase - mother giving birth to two children
OP SHanafi 120 / 357  
May 21, 2014   #6
The table shows the percentage of baby born from Mother aged 40-44 in Australia during particular periods from 1981 to 2006.

Overall, the percentage of woman with no children, one child and two children had increased while the woman having three or more children decreased over 20 years between 1986 and 2006.

As per the table, the percentage of mother having no children increased from 8,5% in 1981 to 15,9% over 21 years. Similarly it followed by the increase in the figures of one child' and two children' mother. While both figures shown the different proportion in its increase, each of them accounted a 7% rising compared between the early and the end of the course. On the contrary, appearing around 27% in 1981, both number of three children's mother and more decreased in the rest of the course.

In 1981, the highest percentage had shown in mother having two babies. By comparison with the percentage of mother having one child, it was more than fourfold increased in full loan of percentage. While the highest percentage in the following five years stood in the same trend, its percentage increased to reach at 35,6 %. The overall trend in 1996 underwent a least by 11,3 % engaging with one baby's mother while in 2006 the least percentage caught at 11 % by mother having four or more babies.


  • TAbleee.jpg


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Number of childeren ever born from mother aged 40-45
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳