Flora and fauna in decline
In recent decades, the decrease in the number of flora and fauna around the world has been receiving a great deal of media attention, Given that this trend leads to a whole host of issues for humankind, identifying the reasons behind it is the key to finding some solutions.
There are a number of reasons why plants and animals are being diminished day by day. First, due to thousands of human activities for various purposes such as producing food, products or building, etc.., people cut down trees and kill animals. In fact, they do anything to make instant benefits for themselves without taking anything into consideration, such as deforestation, using electricity or bomb to catch fish, too many pesticides for planting..., which damages creatures and their habitats as well. Second, global warming and pollution hinder the growth of living things. For example, since the average temperature is increasing, some cold creatures that can not adapt to live in hot weather can die, resulting in a decrease in number, even extinction.
Nevertheless, there are also a variety of solutions to address this issue. First, each person must be aware of the importance of flora and fauna and the serious effect it will have if they die and become extinct. By encouraging people, especially young children, to plant more trees, raise animals, and protect those are in danger, this problem can be improved. Second, the government has to bring forwards strict laws to punish not only individuals but also companies that damage these living things. This means that everyone has responsibility for what they do if breaking the laws, from financial punishment to even capital one.
In conclusion, human activity is the main cause of the decrease in the number of creatures. People have to take action right now to protect them before everything is too late!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15388 You need to remember that a cohesive discussion is one that has 2 related discussion topics per paragraph. In your first reasoning paragraph, you presented the idea that forest reclamation for urban building is one of the major causes of the loss of plant and animal life. That is an excellent reason. The problem though, is that you used global warming as a second reason. That does not relate to the first reason you presented. That disconnects from the first discussion topic. A connected discussion topic would be a reference to the building of new roads that require the clearing of forests and destruction of the natural habitat of animals. Using these 2 connected discussion topics, you can use a single example to help support your claim and allow for related discussion reasons to support this stance. At the moment, your paragraph lacks clarity and shows under developed idea presentations. That stems from the lack of smooth connectivity between your topic sentences. If the topic sentences cannot share an example and reasoning, then the paragraph will be underdeveloped and lack clarity in the presentation. Your essay will definitely lower C&C points because of the confusing discussion presentation.
The same problem exists within your solutions discussion. The solutions do not relate to the previous discussion topics in total. While the replanting of plants and moving of animals to a new or protected habitat would help, the government response fines and imprisonment does not flow with the first solution. A more related solution would be for the government to assign protected forest areas in relation to clearing areas for urban building and requiring land developers to build around the forest, without having to destroy too much of it to create new roads or building residences and office buildings.
You have some good ideas. The problem is that it does not really connect as discussion points. Like I said, the lack of commonality in the discussion is what creates the non-cohesive and incoherent discussion paragraphs. Those are the main reasons the essay will not get a satisfactory score in an actual test.
You also have grammar issues:
can not = cannot ;meaning unable to rather than, able to but not able to (can not)
When listing a series of related items, always use a comma before the word "and".
Avoid the use of ellipses with a comma. It is more formal to use the comma alone.
Never use an exclamation point in your presentation. Although a punctuation mark it signifies a strong, angry, and loud emotion in the presentation. You are only discussing things so stick to a comma, period, colon, semi-colon, parenthesis... never an exclamation point.