OBESITY IS A NEW DISEASE FOR CHILDREN

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

obesity among children rises

Today children suffered some diseases which in the past elderly people suffered, such as obesity. The dramatically increase the number of fat children is caused by new lifestyle. In this essay, the ways can be applied to prevent this problem is discussed and also, pays attention to reasons of this problem.

The new lifestyle can increase the obesity among the new generation of children for whom many junk food and prepared food are available regularly. This food not only does not have no worth food, but also increases the no-saturated fat for the young people. Moreover, no high-level of movement playing among children can increase the possibility of some diseases such as obesity. New computer games attract many children to set down on the one place for a long time without no movement, which can be harmful for them.

Some improvements in children's habits can reduce their obesity disease. The children's nutrition should be changed from high level of hydro-carbonate food to healthy food, which is one of the best ways to control extra fat of children's bodies. The use of more home-made food, fruits, and vegetables can help children to have more healthy regime food. Moreover, encouraging children to play in the green ground or park can prevent the possibility of fat disease. Because, the extra fat in the children's bodies can be burned during playing.

In the conclusion, the possibility of some diseases, such as obesity rises among these days children because of the new lifestyle. Children eat a lot of junk food and spend a lot of time for games without no movements. However, as mentioned in the essay, there are a lot of effective solutions.

PLEASE GIVE ME A BAND SCORE OF THIS ESSAY. ALSO, GUIDE ME TOTALLY TO INCREASE MY BAND SCORE OF MY WRITING. THANKS A LOT

Ama, your essay presentation is unique in the sense that the badly developed sentences can still be understood by the reader, although with a little bit of stress. You may not have properly developed your sentence structure in most instances, but the presentation is still right on the mark in terms of interpretation and discussion. Your ideas also need to be more adequately developed by having you focus on the more appropriate single reason per paragraph discussion. The single reason per paragraph format is:

1. Topic Sentence
2. Reason 1
3. Supporting explanation
4. Example
5. Transition sentence into the next paragraph

Use the above format for the body paragraph discussions and you should increase your task score in a strong manner. Your conclusion is also good. However, you should have presented a proposed solution as an example of the solution offered. Always give a solid example in order to show that you fully understand what the prompt requirements are.

Having given you my observations of your work, I would like to now give you a detailed breakdown for your scores:

TA - 6
C&C - 5
LR - 5
GRA - 4

The scoring above is based upon my assessment of your work per criteria. You should receive a similar, if not the same type of scores in an actual test from the examiner. The scores should help you note which parts of the essay practice you have to concentrate on developing. I suggest you work on the C&C and GRA sections by trying to write more fluent English sentences. Use online practice sites or available apps to help you improve in this section. More importantly, keep reading English materials so that you can gain a better idea as to how native speakers develop their sentence presentations.

please give me the site to read some English documents and also, to check some writing. to increase the band score of C&C and GRA please guide me how to do it (which site or book? )

thanks a lot