IELTS - old buildings were rebuilt or redesigned

Hello everyone,

I wrote an essay with this topic:

Nowadays, more and more old buildings have been rebuilt or redesigned in order to modernize cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

And the following is my work. Please have a look and point out the problem. Thanks a lot!

It is undeniable that modern cities are convenient for our living in this age and day. However, there are increasingly many old buildings are becoming the victim during the process of the city modernization. They have been rebuilt or redesigned to match the stylist design of the city planning.

Old buildings, the precious antiques around us represent our history, some of which are priceless as well as the treasure that are exhibited in the museums. So they are deserved to be protected. They not only show the world that specific architecture style of their own period, but also are the real history 'books'. In fact, many old buildings have been evidences to corroborate something appeared to be unconvincing but had recorded in some ancient books.

What the old buildings benefit us is that they play a vital role in the developing of the tourism besides showing us the history. The architectural construction and the design style of the old buildings are intimately bound up with the local culture which is always an essential element attracting the tourist from all sides. In a way, respective cultures are unique. That is what the tourists really want to experience.

Certainly, we must appreciate some rebuilding is imperative and reasonable out of the safe consideration. Old buildings might have been constructed for a century or much long, so they could be a collapse hazard to the people who is living inside.

With all aspects outlined above, I subscribe a notion that old building is encouraged to be preserved but some repairs are indispensable.

However, there are increasingly many old buildings are becoming the victim during the process of the city modernization.

or you could say:
However, many old buildings are increasingly becoming the victim during the process of the city modernization.

They do not only show the world that specific architecture style of their own period, but also are the real history 'books'.

Certainly, we must appreciate some imperative and reasonable rebuildingsis out of the safe consideration.

I hope this will help.
Good Luck.

Yes, it's helpful. Thanks so much Zubaida.

However, there are increasingly many old buildings are becoming the victims during the process of the city's modernization.

In fact, many old buildings have been evidences to corroborate something claims that appeared to be unconvincing but had been recorded in some ancient books.

What the old buildings do to benefit us is play a vital role in the developing of the tourism while also preserving history.

With all aspects outlined above, I subscribe a notion that old buildings is encouraged to should be preserved and that some repairs are indispensable.
"Indispensable" means that they are necessary. Did you mean to say that?

:-) Keep practicing!! You are doing well.