Oman and Spain population age ratios in 2005 and predictions for 2055 - IELTS Writing Task 1

the ages of the populations of oman and spain

The given circle charts give information about population age ratios in 2005 and predictions for 2055 in two different countries namely Oman and Spain.
Overall, the initial impression is that both surveyed countries recorded the top proportion of the aging population in 2005, and a similar pattern is projected for the future in 2055. Moreover, while the rate of people who belong to the working age bracket predicted tends to upswing the opposite was true for children under working age.

In 2005, Oman witnessed parity in the percentage of people of retirement age and children under working age at 48%. Meanwhile, owning the last place is the rate of Omanis of working age with only 4%. At the same time, the proportion of those who were in their 60s or older also took up the overwhelming majority of Spain's population. This nation's children under minors and those aged 15 to 59 accounted for the lower share of 14% and just under the quarter respectively.

Predictive data accurately half a century later revealed a downswing trend in the under-14s and a growth in the working-age population. More specifically, the decline in the underage group in Oman is more than one in ten, the figure for Spain is much smaller, just 2%.In opposition, the share of the age bracket between 15 and 59 in both countries tends to rise with a slight increase of 2% in Oman and a dramatic growth at nearly one-fifth in Spain. Concurrently, the rate of older in Oman is predicted to increase by just under a tenth to 57% during the figure rapidly decreases by about one-sixth in Spain. However, that is still the largest proportion compared to the other two age bracket.

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Kindly use accurate terminology when describing the provided image. While circle charts are an acceptable alternative descriptor, it is not a proper academic reference. While it is often advised that synonyms be used, restating the original image reference will be better accepted and scored.

It is also imperative that long sentences containing 2 subject ideas be avoided. Run on sentences such as the first one in this presentation will result in reduced GRA scores. More information such as the measurement type is also needed in the summary overview paragraph.

Word count is also a problem in this essay. 293 words can only be written using a 40 minute time allowance. Since this task only has a 20 minute allotment, it will be best to write only 175-200 words. Remember not to use the essay as a vocabulary exercise because that is how these essays fail. Incorrect word usage and overly long sentences will produce more scoring errors. That is exactly the reason why this essay would get a failing score had this been a real test. The advanced vocabulary used does not match the actual vocabulary level or range of the writer. The essay is confusing to read due to the word usage mistakes. Failing scores will be given in all scoring considerations. From the TA to the GRA presentation, the writer did not do a good job.

Consider at least reading task essay examples at this forum to get a better idea as to how to write task 1 essays. That way you improve your writing abilities and learn from the mistakes made by other exam takers who participated in this forum.

- "Predictive data accurately half a century later " this phrase is so long and vague => You should change into "Predicted data"
- " the given circle charts" ==> the given pie charts is more accurate
- instead of give, you could use depict, indicate.
- "Moreover, while the rate...working age" ==> comma should be placed the opposite data.