There are a number of sentence structure and grammar errors in the paper but we cannot address those problems until we fix the problem regarding the content of the paper. My notes can be found below. Use it as your guide when writing the 2nd draft of this essay. Those should help improve the content and discussion points of the paper :-)
I agree with the opinion of the tittle. One of the dangerous threat to our planet is climate change. Several causes of this threat are excessive consumerism and pollution. Political action is needed to control this situation. Some countries around the world never pay more attention about what things cause the climate change and what effects will occur.- A revision is in order for your introductory sentence. The rules of IBC essay writing state that you need to first introduce the topic you will be discussing to the reader. Then state some facts that you will be discussing the essay. Finally, state your thesis for the paper which in this case, will be your personal opinion on the matter being discussed.
The economic growth are more important than the damage of the nature. The need of modern lifestyle has made the industry grow uncontrolled. It also has given a big pressure to the government in charge. These industrial activities give a bad effect for climate but in the other side they give the profit more to the country, as economic view, the business will be rising. Other causes, like cars, houses and any other kind of consumerism, also take part of this problem. This condition surely put the government in a hard-choice. The rules made by any political action was not strong enough to regulate this serious problem. Most of them think that the economic growth is absolutely most important than the condition of the environment- Relate your first few reasons to the lack of political will power often found in national governments in terms of their support for climate change programs. Surely the economy is not the only reason for their lack of political will. Campaign donations and lobby groups also play an important part in this game. I suggest you look it up and then include the facts that you find in this paragraph.
As we realize that this condition will make new nature problem, for example ; global warming, rising sea levels and unpredictable weather patterns. It is impossible to control without government's helps or political actions. A country can rule and limit the number of industry, if the government takes part and keeps an eye of this case.- Make suggestions on how the government can participate in reversing climate change instead of just saying we cannot do it without the government's help. That will show that you have a thorough understanding and plan of action for the problem we are facing.
to protect our earth needs a political action made by the government and any involved parties. They should make the rule clear, limit the number of factory causing pollution and give a high tax for any kinds of consumerism. By this way, we will be able to reduce the climate changes problem.- Watch out for capitalization problems. The first word of every sentence always starts with a capital letter. Do not state new ideas in the conclusion. Just summarize your previous discussion and conclude it for the reader.