Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


"One Second Everyday" - Summary TED talks


Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 17, 2016   #1
After work for years people need to take a break to refresh their mind by traveling or spending time with families then the can start new idea. Cesar Kuriyama is an artist in advertisement field who has an idea to take a break a year and make a project to record one second everyday of his life. The purpose of the project because people easy to forget what happen in the past and most of people do not have collection video. The last reason, when people do not do something interesting they will forget to capture the moment. When Cesar do this project he push himself to try something interesting everyday. The video actually also show personal protest to people who watch a live concert but they watch it through their phone so they did not enjoy the concert. With one second video people do not need to record the entire concert but they still can remember all the memories in there. He also record his sister who hospitalized for intestine disease." It was extremely difficult thing to do" he said. By taking hard video make him realize to appreciate a good day. He try to make the video as real as possible so he make it like he look at with his own eyes.

Link : ted.com/talks/cesar_kuriyama_one_second_every_day#t-36074
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Aug 17, 2016   #2
Hello Faridadwi18

I applied some adjustments to your text so that it sounds more professionally written. They are as follows:

After work [...] It is a commonplace assumption that people do need to take some time off from work on a regular basis so that they can travel or spend time with their families.

Cesar Kuriyama [...] is an advertisement artist, who came up with the idea of... (I would've corrected the rest of this sentence, but it is not clear what did you refer to...)

The purpose of the project [...] is to make it easier for people to remember what they have done in the past.
The last reason [...] After all, most individuals do not bother to capture the moments of their lives on video, especially if there is nothing exciting to be filmed.

When Cesar [...] made a point in trying to lead an interesting lifestyle.
The video actually [...] This sentence is hardly intelligible... try to break it in two so that it'll be easier to make some sense out of it.

but they [...] can still have all their memories well preserved.
record [...] recorded... who [...] at the time was hospitalized due to...
By taking 'hard' videos [...] Ceasar is able to appreciate...
He [...] strives to make his videos as realistic, as possible.

I hope this came of help. Regards.


Home / Writing Feedback / "One Second Everyday" - Summary TED talks
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳