An ongoing discourse on whether children playing computer games is inherently a bad thing or not

PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES IS A WASTE OF TIME. CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PLAY THEM.
Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Currently, there is an ongoing discourse on whether children playing computer games is inherently a bad thing or not, and should the parents allow them to do so. In my humble opinion, the idea of kids playing on computers should not be dismissed as a complete waste of time, and one could certainly think of it in a positive way.

To begin with, I am convinced that every single individual, children included, has the right to spend their free time the way they want, be it drawing, playing sports, musical instrument or even having fun with PC games. Therefore, I must say, that completely depriving youngsters of the enjoyment related to their favorite computer games is simply too strict and undeserved. In addition, using this dogmatic style reasoning, one can declare countless numbers of activities to be 'a waste of time', just because he does not find them interesting or useful. Why should be watching baseball on TV thought of as a less of a waste of time than playing games on a computer? Just let people have their time off, during which they can do what pleases them the most.

Secondly, PC gaming can be entertaining while providing great amount of educational value at the same time. There are numerous types of games that enhance and challenge players' skills in terms of logical, strategic, or verbal reasoning. For instance, when I was in the elementary school, some of the English lessons took place in a computer lab, where we were technically just playing computer games. However, they were designed in such a way, that playing them resulted in us learning new vocabulary or grammar concepts. The fact is, there are dozens businesses built just around providing educational software to kids all ages!

Thirdly, children interacting with modern technologies, even in the form of computer games arguably helps them growing up in today's heavily informatized society. Being exposed to the IT at such young age makes computer related work at later stages of life relatively easier, especially in comparison to the previous generations, who encountered digital media late in their lives.

To sum up, I do not think of computer games as a waste of time and I caution against forbidding children from them. Mainly because I respect kids' right to have them as a hobby, recognize various educational forms that games may take, and also acknowledge their role in exposing youngsters to the modern technologies which are essential in the 21st century.

Martin, there are two mistakes that you made in this essay response. The first mistake, is that you beat around the bush so much in your opening paraphrase that you completely forgot to give a direct response to the prompt. A more appropriate presentation for your response would have been as follows:

There is a question as to whether children do not appropriately use their time when they play video games. That is why some people believe that children should be prevented from undertaking the said activity. In this essay, I will discuss my disagreement with this point of view using information coming from my personal point of view.

An additional problem with your opening statement is that you altered the original prompt, causing you discuss a prompt deviation in the last paragraph of the essay when you stated,


Since this is an unwarranted, meaning unrequired opinion in the essay, it created a change in discussion points, which would have a lowering effect on your overall score in an actual test.

The second mistake that you made was that you did not create a summary conclusion of information for your statement in the last paragraph. Instead, you continued to discuss the topic, even touching on the prompt deviation in some instances in the closing paragraph. This created an open ended rather than concluded discussion of the topic with the latter being the preferred presentation for this particular paragraph.

What did you do right then? You discussed the essay from a single point of view that used personal knowledge and experience to strengthen your presentation. That was required of your written work and you managed to deliver that in the 3 body paragraphs. Next time, pay closer attention to your opening and closing presentations. Make sure that you provide the required elements in these sections in order to increase your scoring consideration.

@martmaye

Currently, there is an ongoing discourse ...
awkward sentence end OR sentence fragment (unsure)

Second paragraph: Thoroughly develop and explain ideas. Don't just move on from one idea to the next. Take your time to explain it.

When starting paragraphs it's alright to state that you're going into your next idea, but try to use more fluid transitions such as "Which leads us to ..." -> begin next paragraph; Or, begin the next paragraph with a bold statement about the idea which hooks readers into your writing.

Don't feel as if you are restricted to the five paragraph format. Make your writing organic and free flowing. It can be set up into a number of sub topics which you discuss or even four paragraphs if you feel like it! It's possible to condense the fourth paragraph and conclusion into one paragraph.