IELTS Writing task 2: Opinion essay about "advertising"

Prompt:
Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life.

Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that many types of advertising, such as online advertising and tele-advertising, become significantly popular and affect to almost every people's lives. While several people assume that there are positive parts of advertising related to everyone's life, I do believe that the effect of advertising is seldom the case.

There are several reasons that advertising activities could bring benefits to our lives. Firstly, people do advertisements under forms of commercial or online usually put in an array of details that entertains potential customers. Secondly, advertisements provide numerous features of new products, therefore, customers can easily approach to the products that suit their pocket. For example, I remembered that I decided to buy detergent from OMO brand for trials after one time I have watched their commercial advert due to the useful features of new products and the reasonable price. Finally, people are wary of buying things after watching many types of similar advertisements, thus, they could save their budget for more important tasks.

In my opinion, I do believe that authorities should consider managing advertising activities due to their negatives to people's lives. Many types of advertisements are brought to customer intensively, such as pop-ups when people are online, and therefore it is very intrusive to people privacy. Moreover, people can be easily swayed by advertising, especially with type of celebrity endorsement. For example, when you have idols advertising for a brand, you usually do not consider the quality of the product and buy goods impulsively. Also, the frequency of advertisements is crowded on both commercial, online and telephone source, people may get bewildering in choosing products.

In conclusion, while it is true that advertising are tolerated to be an essential parts of our lives, I believe that there are still several negative impact of advertising on people's lives, in term of stress and the false fulfillment.

~~~I have just started studying IELTS Writing task 2 for several weeks. Therefore, please help me on writing. Thank you !!!~~~

I think that your presentation structure quite good, a clear point of view, formal presentation. However, when I compare the advantage and negative of advertisements in your essay, I think that the advertisement is more beneficial than negative. Therefore, you need more concentrate on the negative ones.

Regards

You should make sure that your first paragraph accurately represents the requirement for the presentation. In this case, this is a paraphrase + extent response. The extent response asks you to take 2 topics for discussion in the reasoning paragraph that can help illustrate the strength of your opinion. The paragraph should clearly indicate a measured response that allows you to outline the topics for discussion. You could have said:

Product placements are unavoidable in our daily lives. While consumer promotions have been referred to by others as an affirmative influence in their day to day existence, I would have to say that I greatly disagree with this argument based on 2 reasons. The first marked reason I have is that... While the second heavy consideration I have is that...

Using that line of reasoning, you will be able to show the strength of your conviction, along with the outline for the discussion, that will also fully support your emotional opinion regarding the discussion topic. Keep the discussion on track. Do not compare A and B, focus on discussing only A or, only B depending upon the side that you choose to support in the discussion. This is not a comparison essay but rather, a single point of view explanation that will rely on emotional, descriptive words to enhance your response.

Dear @Holt and @tuongnam,
Thank you for your responses