Opinion essay: the university is not better than a training center in the process of knowledge

hello , I am greatful to hear every comment on my essay. I am practising writting
I always appreciate comments, even if they seems short and simple!
I extremely hope you will help me improve in my writing

training center vs an university

It is argued that the university is not better than a training center in the process of knowledge acquisition. However, from my point of view, the university is substantial to get good knowledge.

First, the university has prestigious curriculums recognized by the national education system, which is a significant place for a student to heighten their knowledge. In fact, there are now many documents but this makes you disoriented in learning because it is tough to find a qualified document for your demand. While there is much valuable academic knowledge in the university. You don't need to worry about that anymore. Examples, the document which the university must pay much money to get and classified according to each level of the student is chosen and studied by a professor on that field so it is credible. Another factor would be that Today, academic qualifications are essential for getting a reasonable career. This means unless you have a degree in college, you will be tired of getting a good job. For instance, when a company interview, the certificate proves you experienced arduous processing in university and provide the most basic background of you. At least, you can stand a good chance of making a first impression with them because you had a great deal of effort and a serious attitude in your study.

All things considered, I once again reaffirm that the role of a university is consequential to attain adequate knowledge. However, I think we need to learn both the knowledge and skill to have well- rounded development.

Hi @TuHuynh051001

- First of all, you should separate paragraph 2 into shorter ones.

- There is a problem with the opening sentence (It is argued that the university is not better than a training center in the process of knowledge acquisition.) <-- Knowledge acquisition is from the perspective of a student (he/she receives knowledge), yet, you are referring it to university/training center.

- You should try to write more academically. For example "You don't need to worry about that anymore." --> "It should not be a concern..."

- I am not entirely sure about this, but I don't think that you should use "YOU" pronouns. It will make your writing less professional. --> Say "students", "people", etc, instead.

I wish you had provided more detailed instructions for your essay. I always need to know:
- The type of English practice you are writing for (IELTS, English classes, TOEFL, etc.)
- The original prompt you are responding to.

Normally, there are several types of prompts for a given essay. Which is why I find it difficult to advise a student sans the presentation of the original prompt. The most I can review is the grammar range of the student and that, is what I am going to give you now. Kindly provide the information I need next time. Thanks.

Spelling:
Center - Centre (UK spelling)

Punctuation:
Clauses require a comma: ... many documents, but ...

Phrase Clarity Requirement:
... in the process of knowledge acquisition - in knowledge acquisition

Avoid Contractions in Academic Writing:
don't - do not

This will have to do from my end for now. I can do a better job of reviewing your work when you provide the prompt. I hope to do that with your succeeding essays.

@jhhh11
I'm grateful to hear your contributions. It's really helpful for me <3

@Holt
I appreciate all of things u said to me and I learned from many your comment
I'll pay attention more on your contribution.
The type of English practice i am writing for IELTS.
thank you so much <3