IELTS Writing task 2: opinions on rising the price of petrol to reduce the effects

TOPIC Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

rising the price of petrol is not a solution

It is undeniable that traffic and environmental problems from using vehicles have become alarming situations nowadays. However, using a simple way of rising cost of petrol will not only have no results but also bring more drawbacks than usual, therefore, people must adopt other solutions which can address this.

I firmly believe that rising the price of fossil fuels is not going to curtail the number of drivers using vehicles such as private cars and motorbikes; thus, it will not minimize the effects on the traffic and environment. Furthermore, that situation can lead to the fact that the cost of transportation can go up and make travellers meet more dilemmas and difficulties while they have to spend more than usual to travel every day.

I believe without a doubt that instead of increasing the price of the resources, people have to concentrate on developing a new kind of petrol which is environmental friendlier while its cost is nearly unchanged when compared to the main sorts of petrol that we are using. Thus, this would be a more effective strategy for improving a clean atmosphere after persuading civilians to start using this alternative choice. To tackle the traffic congestion issue, the most operative action is to improve the choice of public transport so that people can have lots of available services to travel which is more affordable and convenient than using their own vehicles; therefore, traffic on the roads would be dramatically reduce.

To conclude, i strongly disagree that rising the price of petrol can be a solution for the traffic congestion and environmental issues, instead, only by using a cleaner resources and improve public transportation services would these problems be solved.

Your prompt paraphrase inaccurate. You are also making claims that are not included in the original presentation. This indicates that you are trying to change the discussion topic and discussion format for the essay. You will lose points for that. Always be accurate. Always indicate a clear restatement, without exaggerations. Outline your response to the questions so that you will have an easy to refer to guide for your topic content when writing the essay. A better restatement would have been:

Due to the increasing traffic jams and greenhouse effects, a suggestion has been made regarding the cost of gasoline in relation to solving the previously mentioned problems. It has been implied that multiplying the cost of fuel in relation to use should produce a satisfactory solution to the problems diesel fuel causes. I strongly oppose this solution. In place of this, I suggest that using alternative energy sources for transport vehicles would be a more viable solution to the problems.

The prompt paraphrase should represent the topic statement, the response to the question, and a direct response to the additional question. Compare my version with yours and you can clearly see why my version would receive the better TA score. It address all of the required TA scoring elements from the start, leaving the rest of the scoring considerations to be scored better as well as the discussion has been clearly outlined already.

Try to use the punctuation marks in a manner that will still help you avoid run-on sentences. All paragraphs need to be composed of 3-5 sentences. So, using a a semi-colon in a sentence does not mean you properly met the paragraph formatting and GRA requirements. You need to make sure you present the right number of sentences first, then use the punctuation marks within the paragraph properly, second.

For this type of essay, you can use up to 3 reasoning paragraphs:
Reasoning 1: The defense of your extent response
Reasoning 2: Defense of your 1st alternative measure with proper supporting examples
Reasoning 3: (optional) Defense of your 2nd alternative measure with supporting examples

As of now, your reasoning paragraphs are not well developed. You lack supporting examples and more reasons to support the topic sentence. Avoid using 2 topics per paragraph. Use only 1 topic per paragraph so you can clearly develop your explanations as per scoring guidelines.

The essay solely focuses on the disagreement about the increment of petrol cost but does not show both sides of views (agree/disagree) which are required from the prompt.

For example in the 1st sentence of 2nd paragraph, you only state "firmly believe" rising the petrol cost is not the solution. However, no examples/ reasons are given to support your view. The alternative outcome (increment of overall transportation cost) is also a bit off topic too.