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IELTS academic - increase petrol price to reduce traffic and pollution


sri_1 5 / 8 5  
Nov 28, 2013   #1
q: increase in petrol price is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do u agree or disagree? Suggest other effective measures.

ESSAY :

Traffic and pollution has become a major headache in today's world. The main culprit of these issues is increased usage of vehicle. The argument put forth is, inflating petrol price will put an end to these problems. Personally, I believe inflated petrol price and imposing strict rules would drastically reduce the head ache of traffic and pollution.

Firstly, if an increase on petrol price is announced, it should be a drastic one instead of marginal increase. For instance, if petrol's price is hiked by 1%, a person would curse the government on price rise and would continue to use the vehicle. However, if the petrol's price is hiked by 50%, people will think twice to use vehicles. Implicitly, this will decrease the intensity of the traffic and pollution caused by vehicles.

Secondly, several tough policies should be imposed on using individual transport. For instance, in Singapore, a person should pay $2 to the government for using his own vehicle every time. Moreover, one should pay a costly amount to get a driving license in that country. These schemes will surely encourage the use of public transport. Tacitly, this will reduce road jams.

Furthermore, to minimize pollution caused by vehicle, certification of vehicles should be done based on the fumes emitted. High fine should be imposed on vehicles that cause excess noise pollution and fume emission. Moreover, other sources of environmental pollution, such as factories, construction sites should be monitored strictly to avoid excess emission of jarring sounds and noxious gases. This will greatly help in decreasing pollution.

To conclude, high increase petrol price and implementing strict rules such as aforementioned suggestions will surely help in reducing road jams and environmental pollution.

khodekhodam 3 / 7  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
hi, you also repeat words such as drastic, impose ...
your essay is well organized.
ladyjoy 3 / 10  
Nov 28, 2013   #3
you described issues very clearly, as I can understand(I am new at writing IELTS essays, so I cannot criticize anything here). But in my opinion you used many repetitive words, which you could change in synonyms. E.g. increase, vehicle. (growth, raise or gear, mechanism etc.)

thank you for sharing it!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 29, 2013   #4
The main culprit of these issues is increased usage of vehicles .

Well... I see you follow a good structure. Also you have good arguments too. However, I feel you give too much attention to using synonyms and that had sometimes disturbed your flow of ideas. Synonyms sometimes can be very dangerous too. You should be very conversant with their usage and if you are not so, they may give a very different meaning than what you really intend to. I am in favor of clarity of sentences and ideas than heavy vocabulary. I think clarity makes your essay more interesting for the reader than anything else.
Rachel26HJ 3 / 6 2  
Dec 2, 2013   #5
I see you follow a good structure

Hi, Dumi,
I want to ask one question in regards to the task response. The task ask "To what extend do you agree or disagreed?", do we need to clarify the opinion a bit more (such as why I agree, or why i disagree) ,rather than just simply declare our opinion only in the introduction.

In this essay written by Sri_1, the writer jump into the effective measures by giving solutions/recommendations, which I think did not fully address the task.

Please do let me know whether my concerns are appropriate because I am solving the task response problem in my IELTS writing.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 2, 2013   #6
Generally, it is easier for you to take one side of the argument and then give reasons to support your position (then support them with examples). That's the easier approach. However, I don't see any harm in taking a moderate stance and support it with reasoning and examples. In such case, what you can do is to have one paragraph for one side of the argument and the other for discussing the opposite opinion.


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