IELTS: Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past

Hi everyone, I find out this 4r by chance and realize that it is really interesting. This is the 1st time I post my essay, hope you will comment and assess to help me get better ^^ Thank you

Topic: Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved.

Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons or your answer

The modern times have witnessed profound changes in most aspects of life, including the revolution of feminism. Women have been opened up to more chances than ever. This, contrary to some ideas, is a positive progress in human society from my point of view.

To start with, the fairness between males and females is inevitable in such a developed society. Gone are the days when women could do nothing rather than stick to boring house work and take care of children. Women nowadays are much more active, they may be successful businessmen, they join the political world, they become scientists and so on. This is to say, the "weaker" gender as often be thought has enough right as well as ability to contribute to the development of human beings just like any other men, not to mention they even perform better in some fields.

In the second place, the revolution in females' right has brought about many benefits not only to themselves but society as well. The financial burden of families, for instance, has decreased significantly with both the wives and the husbands working to earn money. What is more, women have the outstanding instinct to take up some careers lie healthcare or human resource management due to their patience and elaboration.

Admittedly, such changes do lead to some negative results like an upward trend in divorce rate or, under many circumstances, women find it difficult to balance their work and their traditional role as the wives. Also, children might enjoy less care from parents as they arre both busy with theit work. Yet everything has it upside and downside, women should find the best way to overcome such challenges.

All things considered, in a society where females are given equal opportunities compared with males
would obviously enjoy lots of benefits far outweighing its obstacles.

Thanks for sharing this essay. It's a super interesting topic. I think you could dig into it much deeper. What you've covered was good from an instinct level, but it's a subject that has far greater implications than what you've covered. Why not research this topic further. I've seen some fascinating interviews by Dr. Gabor Matte on the subject. Look him up if you get the chance. Many of the interviews have taken place on Democracy now. So you might want to google those two names together.

Again it's a fascinating and complex issue that deserves a thoughtful approach. I'm certain you can do it justice! Best of luck :)

I limit the time within 40m to write this essay so maybe it's a little superficial.
I'll find out about this more.
Thank you very much :)

Cool username, toxic!

The Modern times have witnessed profound ...

Do not say "a progress." Progress is not one thing. Use "example"
This, contrary to some ideas, is a positive example of progress in human society from my point of view.---I agree!

Plural: rights
In the second place, the revolution in females' rights has brought about many benefits not only to themselves but society as well. The financial burden of families, for instance, has decreased significantly with both the wives and the husbands working to earn money. What is more, women have the outstanding instinct to take up some careers that lie healthcare or human resource management due to their patience and elaboration (elaboration... not the right word. What is a better word here?)

Admittedly, such changes do lead to some negative results like an upward trend in the divorce rate or, under many circumstances, women find it difficult...

Nice job!! Thanks for participating :-)

maybe I should replace the word "elaboration" by "carefulness"
Thanks a lot. It's really helpful

Yes, carefulness is okay. Some people just write "care" to mean carefulness, so you could do that, too.

:-)