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Osteopenia Illness - Cause/Effect essay


samuraitom 23 / 18  
Nov 16, 2007   #1
Prompt was to discuss the causes and effects of an illness that plagues you/your family.

critique

My mother and grandmother suffer from a medical condition called osteopenia. Osteopenia is condition where bone mineral density is lower than the normal bone density level. When people age, their bones naturally become thinner and more fragile. Females are more likely to develop this condition since they normally have less bone density than males. Osteopenia, although normal with age, can cause a greater risk for future complications.

A sole factor does not cause osteopenia; instead, there are rather multiple factors that can contribute to the disease. The natural occurrence of aging is one of the contributing factors toward the condition. People tend to lose bone mass around the age of thirty, the higher bone density a person has by age thirty, the longer osteopenia develops. Caucasians and Asians are more likely to show signs of osteopenia. Another cause to osteopenia is the person being thin. Eating disorders and inactivity-little exercise-will contribute to the condition. Smoking, excessive alcohol intake, and calcium and vitamin D deficiencies are all known to contribute to the rapid development of osteopenia. Surprisingly, caffeine also can have a negative effect on bone mass.

Osteopenia has no visible symptoms, although, as the bones become more fragile, it is prone to breaking. Another outcome of osteopenia is the development of osteoporosis, a more severe version of osteopenia. The inability to participate in activities-due to the greater chance of injuries--is another consequence of this illness. Osteopenia can be prevented. Since bones continue to grow until the age of thirty, there are ways to maximize bone density. The usual preventive measures for other diseases applied to this too: more calcium and vitamin D, exercise, less alcohol use, and less caffeine. The usual saying of early detection will also help slow or prevent osteopenia or its bigger, scarier cousin, osteoporosis.

Although, my mother and grandmother were diagnosed with osteopenia, they took measures to slow its progress. Osteopenia is degenerative. It is true however, that osteopenia with aging, but the progressive nature of osteopenia can become a concern further along the line.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Nov 17, 2007   #2
Greetings!

You've written a great essay! I have just a few suggestions for you:

People tend to lose bone mass around the age of thirty; the higher bone density a person has by age thirty, the longer osteopenia develops. - I think you mean "the longer it will take for osteopenia to develop."

Osteopenia has no visible symptoms, although, as the bones become more fragile, they are prone to breaking.

It is true however, that osteopenia [you need a vowel here] with aging, but the progressive nature of osteopenia can become a concern further along the line.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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