Overall, British Museum was by far the most popular of the three London museums visited by people

IELTS TASK 1: The Number of Visitors to Three London Museums in 2013

The line graph provides information about the total of visitors visiting three London museums during four months in summer 2013, between June and September, and counted in thousands.

Overall, British Museum was by far the most popular of the three London museums visited by people while Science Museum had the lowest number of visitors.

Between June and July, the total of people who visit British Museum rose from around 600 to just over 750 thousands of people. During the same period, the difference between Science and Natural history museum was widened. However, in a month later Natural figure tend to have significant fall, while a slight decrease was seen in science museum visitors. This made the gap between the museums was less marked.

Between August and September, all museums experienced an upward trend. While a same trend showed in figure for both science and natural history, British kept its record as by far the most immense place to be visited.

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  visitors_of_museum.j.jpg
  

Hello Grahyta, I found that your essay is understandable and well-written. You show me that you have an in-depth understanding of grammar, because I cannot find any serious issues about the grammar in the essay. The way you describe the information clearly is also impressed me. Still, I have suggestions for you to enhance your writing as follows:

"..to just over 750 thousands of people."
"However, in a month later, Natural figure.." (I prefer to put a comma in this phrase to ease me reading the sentence).

That's all my inputs. I am looking forward to review your essay. You can also share your understanding about IELTS writing or any essay-related topics to the other EssayForum families. Good luck with your practice.

Hi Grahyta, I reckon your essay to be fairly written, very minor corrections can be done in order to strengthen it, the best part is that, you are able to clearly state your analysis in a way that your readers can understand, not only that, you also made sure that you use simple words that truly brings about the understanding the graph presented.

Moving forward, please find my suggestions below.

- number of people
- who visited the British Museum
- to just over 750 thousandsof people.
- was widenedrose .
- However, in a month later,
- This made thecreated a gap

- upward trend. While, while thea same
- trend showed in figure for both science
- the British museum kept
- its record as by far the most immense

Grahyta, be careful with your subject substitution, it is good to substitute your subject once it's already established through out the analysis, however, make sure that the substitution is well placed or written in a way that it means what you are trying to impart in your analysis without compromising the presentation of the graph or the data.

I'm not so sure about this, is it fine to write only British instead of British Museum in this essay?