IELTS; Parents are the best teachers? Use specific reasons and examples

This is for taks 2 in a ielts exam. thank a lot for any corrections.

Question
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Recently, there has been a social concern in regards to who is the best teacher for children's education. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the view that the school teacher is the best option for children's education. My arguments will be discussed as follows.

In the first place, teaching staff are professional in terms of promoting children's professional skills and have more time to stay with them. For instance, in many countries, children are required to stay at school for five days out of a week, in which teachers can impart theoretical knowledge and practical skills to students to help them improve their intelligence. As a result, skills and knowledge such as computer operation will help children to prepare for their future career.

Furthermore, teachers have also played an important role on children social skills. First of all, school teachers are most qualified and experienced on identifying peer conflict and reducing aggressive behaviours. Therefore, children will develop important life skills such as learning personal boundaries, facing future problems and learning important conflict resolution skills. Besides, such positive peer relationships will also aid in the development of communication based social skills, which can enhance academic achievement that helps secure a bright future and brings higher opportunities of success in life.

Last but not lease, Compared with teachers, parents do not have enough time to spend with their children. Nowadays we are facing a global economic crisis and it is necessary for both parents to work, hence there is not enough time for them to teach their children. Therefore, it was impossible for them to be a good teacher

In conclusion, teachers are the best for children's education due to the fact that school educators not only contribute much on children's professional skills, but they can teach their students important social communication techniques in order to survive in this competitive world.

Recently, there has been a social concern in regards to who is the best teacher for children's education. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the view that the school teacher is the best option for children's education. My arguments will be discussed as follows.

I think it will be better to substitute the school techer into teachers . At first ,teachers here refer to a group not a special one.The second ,teachers certainly work at school ,it is needless to add the "school "before teacher.

Furthermore, teachers have also playedplay an important role on children social skillsin the development of children. First of all, school teachers are moremost qualified and experienced on identifying peer conflict and reducing aggressive behaviours.than parents in the field of education.

In conclusion, teachers are the best for children's education. Not only they contribute much on children's professional skills but they can also teach

Faulty parallelism
Possible suggestion: school educators not only contribute..., but also teach


this phrase adds no value for the intro. Better omit

A closer look at the task: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
For me, if you are offered such task, then you are asked to take a position, which is neither in total agreement nor total disagreement, but somewhere in between. Then, you should 'why' into paragraphs

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

To justify what I am saying, have a look this paragraph:


this paragraph is off-topic,


With the structure of a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for, and one againts. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Hope this helps :D

Thank you very much i keep that in mind