Hello Fellas,
In this essay, I am dealing with Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. Please give me some feedback.
question :
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
As the world is changing, societies is becoming more and more competitive. Whilst some people contend that more attention should be paid on how the importance to equip children with a sense of competition so as to be ready in the real life, opponents believe that the more effective way is to teach collaborated skill. However, I would personally argue that parent must bolster their children to be expert at competing and team working.
The reason why children have to encouraged to get a competitive sense is that owning this ability, the children are able to get achievements in their schools. Based on a 2-months study conducted by Manchester University, the champion of Chemistry Olympiad in England can be achieved by the pupils' competitive personality such us ambition and optimism to be a winner. From this indisputable fact underlines the importance of the sense of competition to reach goals.
On the other hand, what the children need in their home work is a collaboration with peers. For instance, education system in Singapore have pushed the students in elementary school to work in team for 2 hours to finish their homework. As result, the average of their score have increased gradually in classes. As it can be seen, the team work is heavily relied the children on their studies.
However, my point of view is that to co-operate and compete with other children are essential for getting the better future lives. The parents should teach both skills to the children as a tool to face real life when they are in the earliest school. Result carried out by Indonesian government in 2001 demonstrated that most successful business executers are people who experts in to co-operate and compete. For this reason, these skills have be equipped with the children. Undoubtedly, the children must get both abilities to achieve their success.
The aforementioned evidence reveals that although skill to compete is important, the parents should not neglect collaboration skill to their children. It is imperative that the parents should concern both skills to get the children's better future life.
