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Parents have a dilemma and are unsure if their children should compete or cooperate with others



celinechan 1 / 2  
Jun 25, 2017   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

competition or cooperation among kids?



There are parents who have a dilemma and are unsure if their children should compete or cooperate with others. Nowadays, competition is too tight among students from school to outdoor activities. However, I think it would be better to tell children the importance of cooperation, instead of emphasizing how necessary a sense of competition is.

Competition in children should not be encouraged because this may destroy their innocent happiness. Actually, parents are a big factor in competitions among children. For instance, some of them force their kids to recite poems about the Tang Dynasty as many as possible because parents feel ashamed if their children remember less than their peers.

What's more, although competition would make a progress, it could also bring the sense of discouragement and frustration, which may put children down and become unconfident. Besides, children who only know how to compete with others but lack kindness, honesty, and cooperation, may not build true friendship with others. However, teamwork is important since competition is becoming fierce. Nowadays, it is almost impossible for a person to finish his work or fight for his future alone.

In comparison with competition, parents would encourage their children to cooperate with others. As for children, by developing teamwork, they could learn how to get along with others and respect them. Moreover, not only will children gain friendship, they could also acquire knowledge from others' experiences, which are helpful in correcting their shortcomings. Therefore, teamwork is encouraged developed in schools broadly.

In conclusion, a sense of competition should not be encouraged even though it could motivate children's capacity to some extent. In my opinion, cooperating with others is more important in children's learning and growth development. However, it is not also wise to depend too much on others.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15369  
Jun 25, 2017   #2
@celinechan This essay will not get a passing score because it failed to properly address the prompt requirements. Rather than discussing the supporting and non-supporting side of the topic, then presenting your personal opinion, you immediately took the opposing side and centered the essay on that sole topic. Review the prompt requirement. The discussion instructions are very clear:

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is imperative that you learn to understand the discussion instructions and that you have the ability to present the required reasons and opinions in the manner expected. Like I said, this essay deviated from the prompt instructions by presenting only one opinion throughout the essay. An even bigger problem is that you tried to fold in your personal discussion opinion in the concluding statement. This is a common mistake among English exam takers. Please try to always remember that the concluding statement is used to represent an accurate summary of your discussion presentation. Under no circumstances are you allowed to present any new information, such as a personal opinion, in the concluding statement. That is an academic writing violation. Since this essay did not follow the discussion instructions and you introduced new information in the conclusion, this essay will not even get a passing score in an actual setting.
Hidy 2 / 4  
Jun 26, 2017   #3
Great work, however, as pointed out you have only an answered a half of the question. I suggest you take your time to better understand the prompt.


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