This is an IELTS Task 2 essay written within 40 minutes, without the help of dictionaries, the Internet as well as spell checkers, since I want to stimulate the examination experience. Please give me a feedback on this essay, and an average band score if you are able to estimate.
Thank you in advance!
Some people say success in a person's life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?
father's and mother's contribution to a child success
The success of a person's life is regarded to be a result of the way he was brought up by his parents. In my opinion, I personally agree with this idea, and I will explain why.
On the one hand, regarding the importance of parents, it is undeniable that these mothers and fathers play a vital role in children's development, both mental and physical aspects. To ensure their children having a bright future, parents these days are taking their son and daughters to many academies, including mandatory schools, talent institutions and sports clubs, resulting in pushing the process of seeking for their strength. These talented abilities, ranging from playing musical instruments and sports to be excelled in mathematics, are proved to have significant effects on a person's successful career. It is notable, for example, that there are numerous people are capable of utilizing their strength to make way for success, as we see in Mozart, the pianist with talented skills denoted by his father, and Shinzo Abe, the vice president of Japan who is persuaded by his parent to be a politician.
On the other hand, though, a person's living environment is sometimes believed to have impacts on his future. For example, if a child grows up in a neighborhood where citizens are members of criminal crews, he will likely end up a gangster.
In conclusion, I believe that parent is crucial to a person's successful life, since fathers and mothers help to find their children talents.