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IELTS; parents and schools are able to share the responsibility to educate children


Tran Tong 5 / 8  
Oct 2, 2012   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these view and give our own opinion.

It is generally agreed that a person who shares his value and follows the rules set by the society is a valuable members of that society. To build up a person with those characteristics, in my opinion, would not be only the responsibility of parents, but the school should be involved in.

Home is the first ever school of children. The parents commerce to teach their kids many things to be used to with the order of a normal daily life such as how to eat, how to play, how to clean up their mess after playing. A house as a society has its own rule to keep everything in order and create an environment in which all members respect each other's value. Moreover, home lesson will continue having great impact on behaviors of children in the next charters of their lives.

It is likely impossible to make a person to be a good citizen without the involvement of the schools. Once a child goes to school, they are entering a wider community where teachers and peers will have just as much influence as their parents do at home. At school, children would experience working and living with people with different personalities and family backgrounds. They shall learn how to co-operate and support with each other in order to build a better society not only for themselves but others people.

There is no argument against the fact that children spend haft time of a day in school and the rest at home, therefore both parents and schools are able to share the responsibility to educate children to become a persons shall have valuable contributions for the society.

(277 words)

April April 13 / 148 22  
Oct 6, 2012   #2
a valuable members --- a valuable MEMBER
many things to be used to with --- TO BE USED TO
clean up their mess --- this is not formal.
in the next charters of their lives --- you mean 'in the next CHAPTERS of their lives'? (spelling mistake)
Once a child goes to school, they are entering --- this sentence lacks subject consistency. It should be 'Once CHILDREN GO to school, they are entering'

You should use connectives like 'nevertheless', 'however' or 'on the other hand',... to link the two body paragraphs and improve your coherence.


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