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Ielts: Parents are sole responsible for their children's misbehavior. Do you agree?


congchop 7 / 14 2  
Sep 13, 2013   #1
Help me to find mistakes and correct them. Thanks a lot.
Introduction:

Teaching for children how to behave well is an important task for parents who want their children to become good people. Children's behaviors are mainly affected by their parents, so the behaviors which are whether good or bad depend on their parents' actions. Although some people argue that children have to be responsible for their acts, in my opinion, I believe that parents are only persons who have responsibility for behaviors of their children because children always obey their parents and it is a rule of state law.

Obeying parents is especially important for children because parents show them what they should do. Before becoming adults and independent persons, children often observe actions of their parents and follow their parents' advices. Therefore, their behaviors are consequences of what they have observed and taught by their parents. For instance, my neighbors have a son always criticize and speak profanity words such as FUCK, What the hell, etc. The boy has such misbehaviors because his parents often speak these words and debate of whatever between them happens at any time. This is one of two reasons why I believe that parents should be responsible for their children's behaviors.

In most countries in the world, there are rules of state law that force parents take responsibilities for their children's misbehaviors. Some parents only know give the birth to their children and they do not care to teaching knowledge for their kids. Children will not know how to do right things and have misbehaviors. Thus, these rules are created to make parents more responsible for their kids. For example, in Vietnam, there are rules that force parents taking responsibilities for teaching as well as feeding until their children are 18 year old.

In conclusion, in order children becoming good people for society, parents have to be responsible for their children not because they affect their children mostly, but the law force them to take responsibilities.
dumi 1 / 6,924 1592  
Sep 15, 2013   #2
....the word behavior is getting repeated. This you can present in a more simple way ;
The way that parents act has a major bearing on their children's behavior.

Although some people argue thatchildren have to be responsible for their acts, in my opinion, I believe that parents are only persons who have responsibility for behaviors of their children because children always obey their parents and it is a rule of state law.

... I think your prompt is about parents' responsibility on children's behavior. So you need to align this sentence more with your prompt;
Although some people argue that parents are not solely responsible for their children's misbehavior, I believe that they are primarily held responsible for such misconducts.


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