Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case ? Who are more affected

hhoaianhh2905 2 / 2  
May 17, 2020   #1
Please do score my essay. Thank you !!!!

Parenting, raising children require time

Nowadays, there is a tendency that parents do not have much time to be with their offsprings. Therefore, I personally believe that children are the victims of this phenomenon.

First of all, the reason why parents spend little free time with their children is the increasing competitiveness in their work environment. As matter of a fact, our world is experiencing a significant development in technology in general and in robotic field in particular. This results in the rise of unemployment all over the world. Parents now are under pressure to make ends meet and put up with the massive workload. So, instead of setting aside free time for their children, parents tend to spend it working to meet the requirement of their employees.

On the other hand, children tend to spend most of their time watching televisions or staring at their smartphone's screen. Unlike the past, children today can get access to electronic devices easily as long as they want. In lieu of part-taking in extracurriculum activities with their parents or sharing things with them, children are allowed to sit in front of the television with the infinite resource of entertainment or surf the Internet for games, films and so on.

As a result, parents and their children hardly have time for each other. Unfortunately, because children are more vulnerable, they are more likely to expose to the disadvantages of spending little time with their parents. One of the typically negative result is that children somehow are badly-orientated. Without parents' advices, children can be easily spoiled by their peers, the Internet or even the criminals. Moveover, children can experience a period of mental crisis when they try to solve their problems alone , for instance, when they suffer from bullying. If the gap between parents and childrens is broken, it will not be fixed bridged easily.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that parents should spend enough time for talking, playing and sharing with their children in order to strengthen the bond between them and give their offspring the appropriate orientation.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,067 2738  
May 17, 2020   #2
There are actually 2 prompts that are connected to the discussion title you provided. Since you did not provide the actual prompt in the essay, upon which your score would have been based, I cannot score your essay. Unfortunately, any student who tries to guess the score you might get will find his account suspended because student scoring is not allowed at the forum. So I do not suggest any students try to score your essay on a hunch or guess either. I'll give you a general review now and score your next essay, if you remember to provide the discussion topic and instructions for it.

The first errors that i noticed in your work is that you wrote 340 words. While I know you can type fast, that does not assure me that you would be able to get a passing score or high score for your work because of several score lowering errors you made in the presentation. Let me outline those errors below:

Spelling Errors:
childrens = children (children is the plural form of child)
offsprings = offspring (review the words that have the same singular and plural forms)
extracurriculum - extracurricular (error in word choice)
Moveover - Moreover (meaning in addition to what has been said)

Grammar Errors:
- When typing, please remember that you should not place a space between the last word and a punctuation mark, specially after a comma or period.

- You do not need a hyphen when saying "badly orientated"
- Lack of word formality when indicating "the reason why". It is too informal in an academic presentation. Rather, indicate "the reason...", skip the "why".

Conciseness Errors:
- Refrain from using word fillers such as "in particular" and "as long as".

Formatting Errors:
- The discussion paraphrase and concluding paraphrase need to have at least 3 sentences in it to meet the paragraph count requirement. It must state: The topic, the reasons, who is more affected, for starters. I am not sure what the rest of the discussion instructions are so I cannot offer you more help in the discussion accuracy area.
Lunn Htar Moe 2 / 5 1  
May 20, 2020   #3
The facts that you mentioned in the essay are not strong enough to describe the disadvantages.You should provide more detail what can happen if the paerents didnot give enough time to their children, how much a child can affect emotionally and what can it lead in the future.

I think you should write the result of this more strongly and widely than the cause of it so that your essay would be more interesting.

Home / Writing Feedback / Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case ? Who are more affected